tears were the poison that made her grow

emotions taking over

2011-06-14T21:29:00.002+08:00

i'm listening to hazrul nizam kau segalanya song in repeat mode now on youtube. it's just that i've been "broken" for the past 2 days both physically and mentally.

On sunday, i had this kendarat event going on with my bubu safi at bukit gombak. its like a VIP wedding thing and all of the kendarat people are wearing black. The event was huge. it has 4000 guests including ministers. even i was new in this al-ansar kendarat intro by bubu safi to her uncle, i tried my best to fit in... in a way. :/ ANIWAE, as i was saying its a major wedding event, it awfully need a whole lot of human man power in this. AND I MEAN A WHOLE LOT OF POWER. it was soo tiring that by the end of the day, my whole body aches. Still does for my feet though.. but at the end of the day i get my fifty dollars. :) oh don't forget i got picked on. :( well.. im fat yes i know.

The way im typing this is as if im leaving out something "important". *thinking*

okae.. how do i put it.. i just feel so empty. seriously... i feel empty. like my feelings are all drained out. if i'm not wrong, i think i may lost the feeling about love. it doesnt mean only one kind of love that ya'll noe about- BGR. its all different kinds.

love of being a daughter

love of being a friend

love for allah

lost and tainted of understanding of someone loving me - a boy

my love for myself

the first one just affects the rest. i feel like something changed. im not sure if its me or my family members but i just cant get along sometimes. they've yet to see the real me and my feelings.

the second one is me who made the stupid choice. how could anione survive without a friend? i'm practically runnng away with my problems from them. that's how i will describe it to u.

the third one is basically about my iman and honesty towards my god. i have to wake up. :( thank you allah for always being there for me. thank you. amin.

the forth one is really bizzare. i swear i have forgotten how to love someone again. its like, im open to be loved but at the same time im too scared to trust it. it does hurts seeing how people fall in love and u cant seem to understand how it really works. oh well....

lastly, the fith one is basically i needed help. i'm scared that i have bipolar. coz i tend to follow my emotions that i dun realise that i'm actually embracing the pain that is actually happening to me. my negativity is like at the peak. i knew this as i read back my tweets and its like i'm sucidal. i would only realise after a few days like now and telling u this. i know i need help. but i just don't know who to turn to or where. i dun feel like opening up to my parents. they just don't need to noe my situation thats all. they don't need to know how i ugly felt, how fat i felt, how people picked on me from primary school till now, how sad i am when i dun be appreciated and i'm left all alone. its just sad. :'(

Ok now see. without all of these... i think it's wat cause me feeling empty. yes im ok in a way.. i can do normal things or whatever but i just feel that those puzzles are missing. im not so sure how am i gonna complete it but i think not in the near future. :(

~whats happening to me?

stupid dream, stupid pictures, stupid fat me

2011-06-03T09:06:00.004+08:00

Wat a crap to start the day. woke up with a major headache and a memory of a dream that i'm back with my ex. wat could be worse. urgh!

To eleborate what happen in that dream, i swear i dun even get it why am i dreaming about him, My 1st ex. Its been 3 or 4 years ago. Maybe, it all goes down back to the day i bump into that freak at downtown east with safi. Ohmygod, there is sooo much i need to express that i couldnt even start. :(

slowly~

*breathes in* kay.. it was a day when i made a promise to myself that i'm gonna have so much fun with my bubu safi at downtown east. We planned to have a damn awsome time at escape theme park and lose ourselves. The funny thing is, when u think that nothing bad will happen on that day will only turn otherwise. Its like when u let ur guards down, the enemy strikes without u being prepared. And thats when u should be really prepared. Unlike me. I was walking with safi and i was looking to the sales beside me on my right. Just in time to look forward, my ex was right smack infront of me. Great. The immediate adreneline rush when i saw that freak was to run and i made a damn sharp turn to my right and exit the place thinking he didnt notice me. Too bad i was wrong. -.- we'll come to that part later.

As i was saying, the aftermath of "escaping" from that freak, i was shaking and not thinking straight. We both went to Macdonalds to have a drink or watever coz safi wanted to buy burger. I have forgotten that earlier, before meeting safi, i had eaten my lunch. Due to traumatised of the earlier incident, i forgot that i'm already full and bought a full set meal. -.- *huuuur...*
After that yada2, had fun at escape go karting yada2.. meet drama frens after that.

The week after that on tuesday, 3 days ago, met again my drama frens, i decided to "inform" that girl who knew my ex bf.. pathethiclly why do i have such accquaintances...? *shaking head*

AND so.. she happily informed me that my ex bf saw me and said " me and her are long gone, nothing.. why is she like that?" DUH I'M LIKE THIS BOY! I GOT FUCKING SHOCK WHEN THE SUPPOSED HAPPIEST DAY OF THE WEEK TO SPEND MY TIME WITH MY BFF AND I BUMPPED INTO YOU OUT OF NO WHERE WHEN I DUN THINK IM GONNA BUMPED INTO YOU STUPID A HOLE! _l_

U f-ing dun need to tell to that girl bout me. what is your f-ing motive dude?? what does she have to me? just because i knew her like that? U AINT KNOW ANYTHING YET BOY. I DUN FUCKING WANT TO KNOW WHAT RELATIONSHIP I HAVE TO HER AND AS WELL AS U A HOLE. SHE DUN EVEN FUCKING KNOW ME! *punch wall*

I wish i was punching both of u. seriously. so, the dream last nite was such a suay thing. i dun even want to see u! i had it with all my ex! dammit!

Ok now, i saw my fat ugly pics in facebook. im fucking fat. im fat. wat the heck am i doing to myself. *crying silently*

I dunnoe my food therapy is making me look ugly.

~I hate the fact i even know u.

updating

2011-05-31T09:23:00.002+08:00

almost the end of may. im jobless.... :D
Wat the heck happens in my life has a reason, and i just have not found it. Annoying much? -.- well, rotting at home and make my butt grow bigger. ok i'm talkig crap arent i?
Anw.. i deleted my cbox due to nonsense ppl tagging me. wtf? anw i dun need one. who reads this blog anw right? so u ppl who are trying to spam my cbox... TOOO BAAAD!! HAHAHAH!!!
i miss my drama peeps very much. i hope im able to meet them later in the afternoon.. wish me luck :D oh!!! ILOVENURSAFITRI heheh.. yea she did that to her bloggeh.. :)

~saya syg awk safi. saya tk heran awak jasman. saya rindu mereka drama

hot weather n cant sleep

2011-05-09T02:17:00.002+08:00

its 2 am in the morning and i sucks that i cant sleep even im sleepy and its hot. hot hot weather.

it was mother's day yesterday. The worst mother's day that i've had in my entire life. the best part was i was having my period at the same time. Cramps are really killing me. i've got no plans at first but decided to order pizza just a small eat together. AT LEAST I HAVE THE THOUGHT TO DO SOMETHING. I DID WISH MUM ON FB AS WELL TO SUM IT UP. but it has always to be some other people who has to ruin the fu*king day. i gt the cramps and had to rest to make it go away. well i took a nap for 2 hrs. other other hand, other ppl in the family has no initiative t even do sumthin. they still waiting for me. sister has alwaes made the lappy the world and nt even care bt ther things in her life. that suck. i guess by then, mum gt upset and roam ard tampines while other mums are celebrating. i was soooooo upset buy my family actions. it seems as if no one care. i will not say wasnt in the rong as well and wont give reasons. but can other ppl in this house have the fing initiative or sumthin???!! most importantly to my sis. wat is she doing?! i hate her for this. at least give mum a simple present or sumthin. she didnt. IM PISSED OFF WITH HER. dammit.
mum gt home and i ask where she'd been.. a bitter response was expected. i was boiling potatoes at that point of time. i cried. i really dunnot want her to think i dun care about her. she is my one and only mother. other ppl have to ruin it plus my period. i cried n cried till sobbing worsen the whole crying part. they try to ask me to all the food but my appetite gone. i ate halfway and i stoped. i went in my room n just twit watever was in my heart. nt long mum cme in. i dunnoe wat was she thinking but mother has instincts ya noe. ya kay so everything was ok after that but im still pissed with sis.
Im sorry umi for watever happened on mother's day. :(
but everyday is supposed to be a mothers day to me.

~pms sucks

lost in my own world

2011-04-12T09:33:00.002+08:00

i'm not quite sure how i would say this but i shall speak my mind. i woke up today and i was feeling all groggy... i slept at 1 am reading this book i borrowed at the library. review from me was it was ok. sumthin different, its abt online relationship, heh i always reading sumthin oh so dark... moving on, i decide to get lappy and check fb since i didnt the whole day ystdy.. i open up and saw i had a message. the first thing came to my mind was a guy.. what does he want.. and little did noe that i was expecting danny. -.- but... it was from my mum. she sent a video with a short msg.. "with love" hmm.. when i started to see the video, i started sobing.. adding the bad flu i had. i feel so bad. it was a touching video... i dunnow hw to describe the feeling. mum actally send me that video and it finally made me cry. i've whinning to atiqah that i wanna cry so badly but nt quite sure what the reason was.. ok mayb this is the reason... :/ im feeling lonelier then ever. really even i noe i have frens around. they dunt reall noe what im hiding inside. i dunnow how to explain it to them. but i believe from the songs that im listenning to and by typing out my words.. it somehow explains how i feel. just one thing. no one will notice me. no point. back to square one. *sigh* life has to go on even u see shadows behind u whispering abt a person and you noe its u. ~i'm living in silence

attitude

2011-04-05T20:54:00.000+08:00

i'm not quite sure what the heck is wrong with me. I think, its been 2 weeks since my attitude is so fucked up. I can say that what my actions should be rude. All i care was me. So? i think its a phase that i'm going thru. I just can't be bothered by everything. i used to be called as the problem runner. yea. i runaway from my probs. _l_ mum is pissed with me i guess. watever. all of these crap is due to my exam results. im just as useless as that results. so be it. i dun care. i dun care!

messed up mind.

2011-04-02T09:13:00.002+08:00

2nd of april. a week of madness. final results are out and true enuf i didnt make the cut. well.. what can i say. i was all negative for the past 3 days of my life. i was so crancky and emo its like bad. up till this moment, there is no more words that i can spread ut to the world how i feel inside. i've gone speechless. its already written for me in my life from God that my life is like this so i have to accept it. no i dun think my life is over just because i didnt make it to poly. i have to find a way now to make my life useful.

Frens around me gave me their courge, support and advice for me not to give up. i thank u all for that. really. They are the reason why i was able to change the curve of my smile everytime i am down. they are the reason why besides my parents that i can move on and continue on this life journey. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. im grateful to have them. Dear god, pls let them be my frens as long as i live. amin.

~i love my frens

hair cut and just ended attachment

2011-03-20T23:12:00.002+08:00

Greetings my fellow humans :)

One heck of a news flash. Attachment has offically ended for me!! *doing crazy dance* Ended two days ago. It was sad yet exciting. I'm gonna miss my dear kakak's and abg khailesh soo much. Seriously. haiz.. apart from that, i made cookies and a farewell card for them :) Alhamdullilah they like it! heeee :D oh ya hair is short now. hapie as i could be!

Ok this is gonna change the mood of this post.
i'm feeling so miserable right now. well actually 3 days now. when i finally tried to open up to the meaning of "love", it shuts down back again just like that. I went on a date last friday after my final attachment ended. Met danny. Guy that i've been texting. A chinese and well built guy, so called my ideal guy that i've picturing in my mind-minus the traits kind. just the appearence i mean. Out to the movies to watch red riding hood. he bought tix and watched at marina sq. it was an awkward moment when he practically get close but i dun give a damn. ok blahblahblah~ THE POINT IS... Every time after a date ends, that person will never gonna be my friend again. they are not gonna text me again. THATS WHAT I HATE IF HAD TO GO ON A DATE. I REFRAINE MYSELF TO GO ON A DATE AS I STILL DO WANT TO KEEP MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THAT PERSON. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS. I WILL GET EMOTIONAL AND BE SAD LIKE FOREVER AND I HATE SO MUCH. I HATE IT I HATE IT.... :'(
why does everything has to be this way. accepting me is a mistake? i assume its a yes.
i'm just a piece of dot thats being after every sentence and its not taken to appreciation to others. true? Yes.
Why the heck did i bother to stay positive and try to open up my heart back again to "love" when i already knew what was going to happen almost most the time.
This is pointless.

Forget it.

~all i need was a simple gesture but u slap me in return instead. thx.

i dun need u to make it happen

2011-02-25T23:07:00.002+08:00

Which part of my sentence "i'm so hapie being single and all i have to care about was my life and friends" that you don't understand dude?

well, i guess the whole sentence. Haha.. ure annoying. :)

See my smile when all i have was me, myself, and i.

*muacks*

~all i see was me

Random Day Random Moment Random Life

2011-02-23T22:49:00.002+08:00

Hallo Hallo :D

Truthfully; there is so much for me to blog about these past few weeks.. But my Vitamin M took me over. [M=Malas]:D
Anw, basically, i'm pretty much psyched about attachment ending soon. WHO DOESN'T DUDE?!PRECISELY! 3 weeks left! ohyea!! all that nonsense i have to go thru these past 6mths.. *middle finger up*

yesterday nite, on the way back home at around 11.45pm, i was at paya lebar mrt station. i was trying to "humor" myself with this random thought. How bout i list down the gud things about my ex. RANDOM MUCH? well i did list it down. wanna noe?
*if any of u are reading this.. be open-minded & no offence or strings attached.

Haikal- hot in bed, teddybear hugz, layankan my nonsense.
Ashraf- sweet.
Farhan- smart ass, random, crazy in bed
Yusri- caring, sweet, have priority

READ WITH OPEN MIND PEOPLE.

So, none of them pass the point number five in the gud things about ex's list. nort suprised. *smirks* why did i even trip over them... *head shaking* welll anw, it was soo tough thinking about the gud points. i cant find them. Seriously. hahaha.. Ex are meant to be Ex for a reason girl. true true.

Ok anw, going to bed now.. i have 2 buggers texting me. as per usual.. being straight foward and i dun bother attitude helps much :)

See ya!

that pain still peels

2011-02-05T22:18:00.002+08:00

I have no idea at all why i keep having these thoughts. It doesnt mean that its been 5 mnths i been riding solo these thoughts came to haunt me, right?? I believe that i can stay this way abit more longer. Now if u discuss about l.o.v.e to me, don't be suprised that i dun bother hearing it. COZ, to me that four letter word scares, irritates, annoy, freak me out big time. The only thing that i see was its a whole big LIE.

The images of my past assholes pains me in here. Its like when u think about it at random time, you heart suddenly felt that pain again. The pain that hits u when it happens on that particular day that u've been severely hurt. Serious. As that thought will run like a film in my brain, the thought of falling into that dream seemed s far. Never will i accept any reasons for someone liking me at this time. Guys lie. yeap. No offence. GUYS LIE!

~a random feeling

Head ache. 2 words okeh

2011-02-01T22:47:00.002+08:00

I was alarmed by my fren's posting at FB saying that JPAE is in 6 more days.. I went literally beserk. Made myself headache. Emo period at the moment. born with it. *smirks*

Exhausted much in every single way

2011-01-21T10:13:00.002+08:00

I'm super exhausted. Woke up in the morning and mygawd my neck aches. heh i full moon anw ystdy.. ohya. wanna tell ya, there's a jerk now msging me for 4 days now.. not even yet noe me that well.. "i love u.." "i will be with u forever" o.o
U see all that shit tat kind kind of person potrays.. tsk tsk... never change. asked me to be his gf.. wat nonsense. i said no.. he still wants me to go. STUPID.
I'm sooooooo tired with this kind of people. yes?

~so live your life ayy ayy ayy

im a worriewart. i can't help it

2011-01-19T08:44:00.003+08:00

I'm still counting my weeks to the end of my attachment. from this week, it will be 8 weeks left which is equivalent to 2 months. ok yes.. i can do it..

Nonono.. i cant... i cant... i worrie soo much.. :s Its happening. Im worrying like a grandmother. Soo much is in my mind right now. Seriously. I can't stop thinking bout this whole thing coming in like a bomb. All in one go. Mum says not to worrie. HOW I CAN'T I??!! everything needs thinking. And i mean really think. *exhaling*

Ok look. I recently received an email from my lecturer in regards to my graduation preparation. As i was reading, i was highlighted by this point that she states in that email.

2)POLY JPAE (joint poly addmission starts 7feb11-donot miss this window if u are going for it.

see that! thats wat i was refering about!! ok true wat my mum says. Im panicking. PANIC-KING. O.0 Everyone noes im a panic person. how how?? i was having other plans for this year and yet another option came up n made me go nuts. I worrie too much until i woke up this morning not knowing if its 7am or pm. 0.o

my mum says take it one at a time. ok... i have to do report and i havent start a sentence! my powerpnt... NOT ONE SLIDE! ok how now? panic? YES! alaa.. alaaa.. alaa... can? if i like take a day off and sort this chaos out? [alah.. your day off mcm tk off, u'll be worrying bout the next day.. no pint la girl..] ok.. sad.

*inhale*

i have to stop.. and think in order. ok. yea. maybe ask my mum for advice. okehh.. yeah... shall do so.. but when???? eh when?!!! [start balek dah..]

stop it! when u've done what ure suppose to do.. den think about that. den continue on from there. One by one. ok...

*exhale*

okeh.... one by one..

~no time for boys or other stuff. my life is at stake now.

my fren is a broken angel

2011-01-11T19:05:00.002+08:00

To my beloved bff.. Please do take care of yourself. Treat this as your stepping stone of your life. Whatever that goes thru your mind, take it slow. I understand the moment that u are going thru right now. Been thru it a couple of times. Its never easy, trust me. But for me knowing you feeling this way, pains me. I know the challenges that you go thru for the past two years. I was there to see and hear. Sincerely from my heart, please do take care of yourself bestie. Im sorry i'm unable to help u in making the right decision at the moment for this situation. its all up to yourself. Be strong and i'll be here if u need me.

~much loves from me to you PUTRI ATIQAH :)

when will attachment end

2011-01-06T17:31:00.002+08:00

Another day that says "off day but mind stressed".
Everytime im off i got nothing to think about except what the hell am i gonna wear to work tommorow.
I hate work with formalities. Formal dressing just suffocates me more. Plus, that fake mask i have to wear it everyday that its as if there's nothing happening in my life. Bullshits. If those people at work has issues with me in some way... they shud be looking at the mirror more often. I'm silent but deadly knows wats going on. Just yesterday, i was "approached" by my supervisor telling me all the wrong thinds i've done in my conversations with guests. I agree to a certain extent that any mistakes done you can correct me. But hey hey hey... u did mistakes and u didnt realise it. Seriously speaking, your greeting, i cant make up wat the heck u said at the end. Its like two words mushed together. That's one thing i realise. The other thing is, u act as if u noe it all kind of person. At some point i noe u are trying to help me, but sometimes, it made me look stupid when u scrunched your face like that as if u dun understand what am i talking about, AND i still remember u point it out to me not to that face when you're explaining. Need a mirror? humph..
In addition, I have to learn this wake up call thing this sunday with her and im so not looking forward to it. Seriously. OHHHHHHHHH!!! one more thing... i noe your secret. I shall not tell as i'm the kind of person that keeps her promise. just becareful though sis. TSK TSK TSK... if in malay... you noe what people will say... "tak tahu malu, dah tau tersepit, cari orang mcm aku untuk tolong. dah tu satu hal, kau ingat ape yang kau buat selalu tu btl? adabnye mane...?" heh.. I should buy u IKEA mirror, the long kind and place it infront of u...

Ok now im satisfied with my blabbering and full from eating my mum's mee soto. gonna leave and shall return soon, yes?

~whats up with liars and fakers nowadays...

I'd rather be with my alter ego

2011-01-05T21:32:00.002+08:00

Gothic much ryte? Actually, that's my alter ego ryte there. I love to dress up and be her. It's as if there's no limits to wat she's able to do. Awsomeness..

Did i see the date correctly or are my eyes playing with me?.. its 5th jan already. Fcuk. Damn fast la! Anw nothing new, everyday would be the same as ever if im going to work.. all nonsense.. TELL ME ABOUT IT. Bleeeaaagghh~

I started the dae today with a scream and shout of a mad women looking for her guests... EH Aunty... engineers create handphones for... shouting at people at 7am in the morning izit? [Yes.. 7am.. She's crazy] or precisely, we do have technology to help u, its call e-mailing...? Bodoh. Next time, if u hated to be put on hold, call us at the right time where EVERYONE are already at their desks and able to assist the little things that u requested and made such a big fuss about it.

*Remind me not to help aunties.

Right at this moment, i declare that i'm suuuuuuuper bored and even blogging is trying to keep me awake. Hunt for foof in the kitchen.. and i gt myself a bowl of cereal with soy milk.. yea ryte "healthy". wat soo "healthy" when ure eating at 10pm at nite.... -.-

Oh! bdw... i think i want to add sumthin to my new year resolution... try not to blog emo. eh.. but i write better when im emo. TRUETRUETRUE!!! ok i'll TRY... ok now.. end.

~do i need somebody to love? naaah :)

assholediots

2011-01-02T22:06:00.003+08:00

Ok... i just found out something nonsense this 2jan. wat a start to a new year... uat saket hati org je..

EH I STILL REMEMBER YOUR WORDS. "YOU.. I HAVE TO DELETE YOU FROM MY ACCOUNT.. NANTI KAWAN I SUMER NAMPAK.." "I LOVE YOU TAPI U MUST UNDERSTAND ME.." " I CAN ONLY ADD POMPAN2 YANG LAWA2"

ehhh go see mirror laaa... i saw u gf pic... LAWA LA SGT!.... WAT NONSENSE....

Now, my positivity towards love is decreasing. Dun bother me not falling in love ever again. i had it with all these people.. who are talking crap most of the time. Sotong jerks.
u can kiss that f-ing girl's ass!

¬love the way you assholes lie...

Last post of the year [offically]

2010-12-31T21:46:00.002+08:00

Ok now is 10pm.. 2hrs more to 2011. OMG OMG.. soo fast! Spending the eve of New Year with family at home. Well, where else shud i be at ryte? heh.. Do i have a choice?
Oh well.. Nevermind. I can blog aniwae ryte :)

The year of 2010 is such a..... urm.. full... urm... happenings i might say. Be it personal or around me. But the ultimate thing is.. its such a busybusy year! NO DOUBT.
I just don't understand why but i love this year. No i dun have the love that i shud be having but i do have the love of my dearest frens this year. I love them soo dearly.
Spending my daes which every single one of them was a speacial moment that i will cherish till whenever im still breathing.

I guess its a tradition to have a new year resolution huh... so here goes for me..

The year of 2010 is filled with so much memories.
The highs and lows.
The bad and good.

2011.. Will be magic..
Try to be positive.
Cut my desired hairstyle.
Tone down.
Clean room/paint/revamp.
Work at USS.
*Hopefully i won't get my heart hurt. Every year is enuf.
Spend my life meaning fully coz im turning 20 and not looking forward to it.

Okae soo... all thats that. Im just gonna go with the flow of 2011 like how i did in 2010 but with more... thinking. heh.. [never too much of thinking for me. -.-]
Till here all my frens hope to continue on in 2011. Love u guys in the bottom of my heart.
Please forgive my sins if i did do anything wrong to you guys. Lets forget the past n bring in the new. Never let our friendships disappear. Long live :)

Love
Bilah Vamp

my life at the moment

2010-12-29T21:53:00.003+08:00

my one and only mum

waiting for the bowling lane...

my partner in crime to camwhoring

me and safi

me lah.

Last lap of the year 2010. Maybe my last post? perhaps. 2010 is a gud year. I learn soo much that i think i can make an encyclopedia. haha.. lame much eh..

Shud i be thinking about my new year resolution?

Naaah... I'll go along well just not preparing... true? haha. It seems that my cyber space life too has been decreasing. Haaaaizzz...... its boring nowadays..

I actually do have lots n lots of things to say that i have nothing to say at this moment. Go figure. Maybe its the attachment jinx.. hahahha...

Oh hey left 11weeks! counting down to the last week and i'll be free...

ok maybe i'm done. heh..

Take care folks!

¬even though im lonely.. i have to mve on.

December boo's

2010-12-04T09:56:00.002+08:00

I'm giving a middle finger up to december.
Spending this whole month at work. How awsome. NOT! All this nonsesne will soon end in the month of march. Now that's awsome. But.. it means that i'm no longer in ITE. Sadness...
Does any headlines that i'm tellin u is alwaes not a good one? it looks like it.
Life is bullshit now. I dun give a damn to anithin. I dun bother. Wat is there to bother if no one is giving notice that i'm actually there. Right? Soo *middle finger*

I hope to work and not to stay home. Again i dun bother stayin' at home. Juz craps.
From wat i noe, my life is painted with the words 'I'M ALONE SO WHAT?!' . Yeap, pretty much.
I'm going crazy from my point of view. Oh well, so wat..
No one wants to listen to wat i say. dun bother hw i feel. Its their MF buisness. *middle finger*

At work now and i'm blogging. heh. saturday. Not much ppl in the office.
ok my hand has this long scratches i did last nite when suddenly i go crazy. heh.. Go die lah.

~*middle fingger* i dunnoe u.. so STFU you MF & stay away.

Annoyers annoy me. PERIOD.

2010-11-03T00:51:00.003+08:00

I assume that fatigueness that cause this emotional nonsense. Guess wat, i shed a tear in the train while i was standing near the door. I got no intention of creating attention, i swear. I just unable to hold back my tear. That feeling of punching sumone with my fist is at the tip of my patience chart. Why must all these people annoy me? Ok, im gonna admit and be straight forward now that i'm showing u my two face whenever im around u annoyers.

Basically, one of the annoyers annoys me coz he/she is such an ass to his/her ass. He/she ever told me that the feeling was mutual. In the end i noticed, ure such a chicken and a jerk to tell the truth. So much of being truthful to urself, annoyer. Go and knock that hell's door la u...

Then, one other such annoyer, having this.. " the-pitty-eyed-b****-with-issues" symptom. Suprised me with ur attitude at the beginning till now. Whoa.. shouldn't have recomended u to 'them' to be in an "anonymous grp". [For me to noe for u to find out]
He/she being such an a**h*** in the social networks. u too, can go and knock that hell's door with the previous he/she.

The last final annoyer is just simply annoying coz he/she thinks that he/she is the only one who knows everything. Not that i dun accept your help but.. just stop being a "u noe everything smart aleck" ok? thank you. Much appreciated in that way.

Ok all done. PERIOD.

I juz hope they stop being so annoying like s***.
Bye.

~dont bother the lioness if she doesn't want to be disturbed.

a lighter heart = a better life

2010-11-01T10:06:00.003+08:00

November is here. Isit me or the time past 110km/h? Ok exaggerating. haha

Gone thru a week of attachment at Hotel and believe me, there's still space for me in that panda section at s'pore zoo. F-ing tired la. Ystdy was my off day. I have to work for 6 days per week, with a day off. "Great" ryte... I'm still adapting myself with the working environment. I still have 5mnths and 2 weeks to go.. O.O

Die.. T.T

These weeks ain't easy. I'd be lying that nothing came up or i'm all fyne. I was in a burn up stage and i couldn't take it anymore. That lava that i kept for god noes how long erupted afew days ago. It was all fyne at work. But after i came home, in my room, i kneeled and cry. Emo shits flooded my twitter and tumblr. Finally, someone hear's me at twitter and God bless myrah. We talked on the phone for an hour plus. I told her everything. She advised me. After everything, i came to realise that my solution to all these mayhem i created was wrong. Advise was taken to note. I thank myrah for everything. :D

On saturday, was the seniors meeting cum catch-up for drama. no i didn't go for my drama class but my heart will still be there. Working was what restrained me from going. Many many topics was being brought out about the drama club. Come to think of it.... DRAMA CLUB = GLEE CLUB. haha sumhw the same. Yea.. i realised the seniors hadn't had this much fun in ages. we have fun truck loads! *hugs for every seniors*

So when its time to part, it was the hardest thing to do evry single time. Me and ezaty will be heading to kembangan, safi going home, mus and atiqah dating. so yea.. I dunnoe what was the convo starter btwn me and ezaty, but it lead to hearing out my inner heart talking. She heard everything from. EVERYTHING. From capital 'A' to capital 'Z'. From our convos, i discovered that i wasn't alone. Mayb i had this talk coz god wants me to let it all out and bring in the new in my life. Well, its gonna take baby steps though. Ezaty gave me various solutions and worked things out with me. I came to realise that i can do 'this' on my own and my own will. But its up to me to be brave to jump or not. With much love and sincerity, thanks ezaty. :D for everything too!

If u ask me if have good frens.. I would answer yea, I do have nice frens to be with. I'm hapie that i have them. :D *smiles*

~loving u guys till eternity <33

ok here i am peek a boo!

2010-10-19T17:43:00.002+08:00

Ta da!!! me back from... from... sumwhere :D -.-

Its been a looong time since i rant in me blog and missing it. Eh talking bout it, i just love the feeling of blogging. It's like watever i couldn't speak verbally, i type it out virtually and the feel of relief is just soo there. I dunnoe for others but i prefer long blogging. It's like you go back to your roots and write your composition but instead this is how you express yourself more. Come to think of it... i miss composition. Hahaha.. ironic.. i used to whine everytime my english teacher gave the whole class english assignment and had to complete like 1000+ words. but now.. whoa... stephenie myers move aside! i wanna make a novel too!! like.. i know ryte!! IRONIC!

Hmm.. but.. [ohboy here comes her "buts.."] i have to apologize to whoever reading my blog. It seems that i have an "emo" blog. Always ranting about how sad my life would be with all those BGR probs and all. heh.. wat did u expect? im growing up lar dey.. this thing has been created when i was in sec 5.. don't believe? see my archieves.. but i do have an older blog... and that blog is worst. lols! my "anak2 abu" years.. hehe i dun even wanna show u guys. that blog was when i got serious emotional probs, met my first bf, my first "nonsense cat fight", etc.. u dun wanna noe.. lol. well i dun sae that this blog's better but.. at least this blog has a realistic story. It's soo "real" till there's ever once i blogged, my fren would read it and he cried. I swear. only that time uh i was really into the story and trying to express myself so much coz i wasn't able to tell it to anyone how depressed and sad i was inside. It was around october or november last year i guess? ok go see archives oryte? hahs.

I have another kind of blog. tumblr. its a different sort than blogger. in my opinion... i like both ways. hahas. as long as my expression is being expressed. hahaha whoa....

ok dokie.. till here.. i will write in soon, hopefully. :)

~much loves to my frens :D

do i need this now?

2010-10-13T21:56:00.002+08:00

Back from tumblr-ing. Hmm.. i think i gt the hang of it.

let me tell ya that i finally bought a new phone for myself!! Nokia X3. oh yeah.... :D
i gone crazy bout it. haha. just 2 days old. :)

Straight to the point.

I miss drama.
I miss ite life.
I miss my heels.
I miss freedom.
I miss being young.
I miss smiling.
I miss love.
I miss hugz.
I miss kisses.
I miss interlocking of fingers.
I miss u.

Damn it.

~why ?

surviving eh?

2010-10-02T19:30:00.002+08:00

I think no one does really update animore or does blogger just gonna disappear and tumblr taking over? Hmm.. im gonna blog aniwae so here goes...

Came back from shanghai a few days back.. well.. the 2 days after i came back i swear the jet lagg is taking over me like hell.. Headache was terrible. Well by now its ok luh..
Talk about shanghai... hmm.. its ok luh.. But theres afew things im glad about living in singapore.. Proper Hygenine, Proper understandings of traffic signals and the queueing line is bearable. hehs.. so u sumwhat understand of wat im gonna say about them? hehs :D
We shopped till like there's no tmrw. Well duh we onli have 5 days there. -.- Stuff there are able to bargain up to the lowest prices u can even think of! Like from 120reminbi, u can bragain up till 40 reminbi which is equivilant to 8 dollars singapore for a branded shirt like FRED PERRY. Im serious! :D
I bought mua a red one and for sis too! I bought lots and lots of stuff there.. well mainly for aunties and uncles and cuzzies.. family mua too has gifts.. its worth it la... WHEN U GO TO THE BARGAINABLE PLACES.. not the high end shops in the city ok to correct u. so dun misunderstood.
Took loads of pics but lazy to upload it here. mayb i will or not.. depends. hahaha
ok i think thats it for shanghai i guess..

Now ermm, me?
I've been day dreaming alot. I didn't understand what i did to my heart till it didn't understand the meaning of love animore though i think it still exsisted in my life dictionary.. hmm. Complicated.
Well, mayb i'm thinking too much. [i never think its to much to say its too much -.-] Anw, i guess wat happen between me and F got to do with all these. He did to me thrice about this. Haiz. love is complicated huh. im still unsure his motive of doing so. My faith towards him has just slowly depleting from my mind and heart. So many chances i gave and this is how he repays me? I don't even think he treats me with that respect that every girl shud have. [ oh now then u realise huh after all those things he does to u dear nabilah.. tsk tsk ] haiz.. what can i do.. let alone regret.
Im not sure still if, by so called block him from viewing my FB acc helps me to forget him. Plus, i deleted his number from my phone as well as his msgs a day before hari raya. I just cant do, when his image stuck to my mind like a tattoo. jeeesh this sucks. Let me have time to get over him. Its hard yes. I'm trying my best.
I've been just using that mask over and over again when it comes to him... I swear he still doesn't know me for me. No one ever. But someone did try before.. but... couldn't really get near. Too bad.. his my past too anw.
I was wondering....... when can i get someone who will be brave enuf to take that mask away from my face and see me for me. Im waiting.. will it even gonna happen?

HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIZZZ... sorry i typed it out so long, i shud be writing a book by now.. I juz had to let it all out..

~my heart gets weak

MY BIRTHDAY RAYA!

2010-09-13T19:26:00.004+08:00

Humans!! I love my 19! haha :P

Hari raya was awsome and it was collaborated with my bdae! heee

I bought myself a present on my bdae which is SEZAIRI SEZALI ALBUM!!! i'm currently hearing his songs!! He took my heart away with every song that he sings especially in the song "matahari" . I was smiling oh so widely n blushing too!! soo sweet lah.. its as if it was for me.. awww.. :P [let me live in cloud 9 for a moment la can ]

Oh!! and my uncle gave me this ipod shuffle!! awsome kn!!!! i have the PINK ONE!! weee!!! *dancing*

maybe my step towards being old isnt so bad after all :P heheh..

hehehe sezairi again.. cute...

To all that wish me on my bdae and raya.. i thank you all. I appreciate you guys alot. I remember that on one day i went out with the drama peeps for break-fast they wished me hapie bdae in the middle of geylang!!! haha i paisey but.. its fun.. haha i ran away.. lol thanks guys for letting geylangers noe me. hahaha popular kejap. :D

SO... now.. i'm gonna smile my way thru this year insyaallah.. :)

~a women and a man..

where is 'me' in u?

2010-09-07T07:17:00.003+08:00

What can i do if u are not responding to me? I'm as similar to a zombie walking aimlessly on this earth. If i could have the power to read your mind, i would. I'm trying the best i could to be in ur shoes, but yet again.. i was turned down.
I hope that there will be one day u'll see me, not even trying to put on ur shoes and walk around with it. That day will be, where all the things will fall apart and i wouldn't be the one catching it.. not animore. That day will be, when i'm going the opposite direction from where u are going. That day will be, where all the diamonds escaping from my eyes and falling down onto this earth. That day will be, the end of u and me.

But there is still time now to change all of that. Just give me that moment and tell me that u'll change it for US. I didn't mention 'hope' coz when 'hope' is given, and that change has yet to be done, it will be then not called as 'hope' but a false hope.

So are you gonna change it? Or is this things that i'm saying is gonna be true?
Ur Choice. Simple.

~never say never..

She's crazy.

2010-09-03T16:37:00.003+08:00

I've gone MAD! I swear.
If my random actions are not to be stopped now!.. If not, it's gonna be the end of my life. Nurul Nabilah Bte Mohd Yazid! stop it okeh!!

I just did sumthin awfully terrible and nonsense and random this morning.
I looked myself in the bathroom mirror. I mess around with my hair before a shower. The anger that is still within me stays eventhough the misunderstandings was yesterday nite. I dunnoe wat's gotten into me. I saw the scissors on the shelf. I took it. Without thinking, I chopped off my frinch. Just like that. A short bangs i have now. Its ugly, yes. But i felt relived and sorrie for myself after that. Sorrie coz raya will be next week and i wont be pretty like everybody else. Haiz. There. Told.

This is the second time i did this. And both incidents are in the morning. I dunnoe if its coincidence or just me. I've gone mad.

I would like to plead.. Can all these people don't cause me do such ridiculous things? please... Tears were no more to waste coz this just too hurtful for me to describe the pain of the opened wound you've caused to me.. Not once, not twice but the third time. What do you want from me?! what?! TELL ME!! tell me...... please.... *sobs*
What did i do wrong that i rendered my heart to you.. a third chance of rendering. WHATS WRONG WITH THAT HUH?!! What are u not happy about??!! WHAT DID YOU WANT?!!! You don't proclaim that you noe how to touch a girl.. I won't be like this if u did. Thanks... i noe YOU wont say ure sorry. Just go....
*sobs*

~If you're done with your show.. just leave.

mOrning!! At school..

2010-09-02T10:11:00.003+08:00

This is the quote of the day.. I will remind myself these words to protect my heart from heartbreakers in the near future. hehehs~

~now then u answer me...? its been soo long...

Welcome back from lost world

2010-09-01T13:03:00.002+08:00

Im back from the donkey months i've nt been able to post anything in my blog. :D

Busy is a word. And from that word describes a person. And that person is me. MY LIFE HAD BEEN BUSY SINCE THE LAST TIME I KNEW THE WORD EXISTED LA! -.- ok frustration. pffft...

Lots and lots and lots and lots of things happen in august and i'm getting lost. But i know.. JULY sucks.
I had YOG during aug and started werk in aug and fasting mnth in aug and i fell sick in aug. The sole cause of this sickness is my busyness of life. I longed for a vacation. heee.. and im gonna have one! A trip to shanghai!!!! wooooo!! in sept during raya.. Which is a bummer. -.- And raya will be in a weeks time.. God...

Talking about Raya.. Birthday is coming...........
YES MY BIRTHDAY IS ON THE FERST DAY OF RAYA AND IM NT EXCITED ABT IT. ok maybe 50%.
I was threatened by frens on raya nite they are gonna come down to my hse n god noes wat they're gonna do.. *praying n hoping its nt gonna happen* oh.. N not to forget... I'M GETTING OLDER!!!!! WTH!!! its nt sumthing ure supposed to be excited about ya noe. At this point of age.. its scares me. ALOT! I can count with my ten fingers to how many more years before im gonna get married and have a family and carrier and omg!!! my life of enjoying ended!!!! My research has shown that i'm the only one among the people i noe who is paranoid about getting old. Jeeesh..
Hello people... when ure old, u cnt enjoy. When ure old, u cnt jump ard like some monkey. When ure old, u cnt be cute. [heee heee]. When ure old, u cnt be young again la! Precisely!! Cn ppl see my dilema here.. ???
So let me... IM GONNA BE OLD!!!!! ok.. da..

~Be truthful to urself. Dun live in denial.

2010-07-15T10:50:00.002+08:00

I'm watching eclipse todae. Later at 4 pm... i seriously dunnoe where to put my water face... i shud be already done watching that movie... -.-

again u slept without telling me. Why must u alwaes MIA. :( sadness.. I miss u..

~ sorrie if i did hurt u...

Uhmm.. me?

2010-07-08T10:31:00.002+08:00

Okae a day in school this week is like sumwhere i've never imagine. I seriously prayed hard every morning that everything will go well today and hope that nothing will happen to me. I think i'm too paranoid uh.. PARANOIA!! I swear i hate walking past a group of guys regardless watever race they are. Ok my nitemare came true. I told myself tat i'm safe in a way that im not schooling ite simei to have to walk pass soo many people in school that then i'm in clementi.. But now... I'm Cck campus... the thought and have to be around 80,000 students or so is.. just killing me inside.. I may look ok but i swear my heart races everytime i step out of the classroom. Paranoid paranoid. I feel like sumthin's not ok with my hair, uniform, shoes, bag.. Practically ALL of me. -.- Ok nevermind im trying my best to reverse psychology my own brain to get over with this inferiority complex that i'm facing and its gonna be only 2 mnths i'll be in this big campus in the west. Fuhh.. kay.. yah...

Eh, i came in class today and was already "spotted" by my teacher that i'm not wearing my heels whereas i'm wearing my sneakers. haha. Early in the morning. She told me to put on proper attire and told the class that tmrw will be having a spot check on grooming. Great. My shoes are killing me la. Eyy its not easy walking around this massive skul with that heels. Cursed n swear sia. Anw, today had PE soo.. haha i dun bother laaa... ahha

ok better go now.. next class :p
see you guys soon :(
I love u

~see me later kay wolfy.

back and it aint tellin u the truth

2010-06-28T15:35:00.004+08:00

Humans!! I'm back blogging todae!

Comp was being attacked by those trojan virusus and offically its condamn and im unable to blog.. :( My hands are itchin' to blog like almost every single day of my life. PFFFT~

ANW

Drama camp on 24th n 25th june was super awsome even though theres technical glitches like me being sick n loosing my voice. -.- [my voice was like a chipmunk until todae -.-] as well as emotional breakdowns due to miscommunications during camp. I didn't go on the ferst day of camp itself coz "my mummy won't let me coz i'm sick". Urgh!! stupid flu bug..

Campfire was... different.. lets just put that way alryte. For me to noe for u to find out. Amazing race was.. "amazing". The rain was.. spoiling our moods. Haahah.. My cough was.. getting in my way to shout n scream n jump n have fun :(. But with a stone like head [kepale batu] i went for camp and i like it alot. hahas.. :)

NO MORE CAMPS PLEASE DRAMA.. hahahah~

I have a fren whom i think is a fickled minder that irritates me. Juz remind me to forget about u again okeh? I wish i could smack that person on the head. !@@$#$@#$^%^%$^

I have another fren whom i consider as someone who is very intelligent and different. But that fren of mine can sumtimes not realise that he/she is not alone. I'm here for u ryte? I will still layan ur quirky facts u randomly tell me that sumtimes people may think its sooo random n dun bother to talk to u. To me the beauty of randomness is wonderful. It is.

On the other hand, i would like to verify sumthin to u.. Do u even see me? Am i invisible? I would like to noe if i could :) i will accept watever the reason to it. If i dun.. i will find a way to forget the past and forgive u kay.. i will smile whenever u smile too :)

~I'm tryin' to be perfect, tryin' not to let u down. Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me ryte now. The floors underneath our are rumbling, the walls we built together tumbling. I'm still standin' here holding on the roof.. coz it's easier then tellin' the truth...

In cinema soon!

2010-06-06T22:20:00.003+08:00

SEEN ECLIPSE TRAILER ON CHANNEL 5 AT 7.10PM AND ITS AWSOME!!!

I'm soo gonna watch eclipse laaaa.. must must must watch!!! :D heeee..

I've always had fun outing with my drama oh~la~la family.. i miss them so dearly every week.. yesterdaywas one of those days.. :) super love them all.. *Hugs*

~i'm faking it aren't i..

cramming my head but now it's jammed

2010-06-02T22:15:00.002+08:00

Cramming all the shits in my brain. Camp, Exams, Projects & YOG.. Great.. now my brain jammed.
I ever wonder, am i enjoying all tis? hell yeah i am! haha.. IRONIC. But i dun like it when the stress juz ticks off my angermometer whenever sumthin goes wrong and all the shits and bitching come exploding out like volcano. Super IRONIC.
Im terribly confused. *head shaking*

Do u think i need a Psychiatrist? I got some serious issues with myself. I just can't get rid of the habbit of looking at my reflection anywhere i go and say this, "i'm so fat, i'm not pretty. i dun like my legs. eee.. im so ugly..". Sometimes its very random of me saying tis. I can't kick the habbit! :( but its the.. fact.. and the truth hurts..
How?... can i be cured? Help me..
This has been going on daily.. Im sick n tired of being tis way..

A thought..
Everytime i remember those memories about being around u, i got the sudden warmth and i wish we still had it. But the warmth had turn into ice cold sharp icicles when the flashback of u stabbing my heart with it just shatters the memories. Sumhow i asked myself, why did u still talk to me? I dun mind having u in my life back but dun u find it abit different? I did. We used to break the awkward silence by giving each other jokes that just left us with a tummy ache cause by laughters. But now, the awkward silence is just... awkward. What are u really thinking.. Can u share it with me? I'm willing to listen. I've always did even before ure no longer mine. Well, i presume it's gonna be tougher now coz we no longer talk tat much. I dun mind. But sometimes.. i have to tell u tis.. i did miss u. haiz. U'll just be in my memories. alryte?

~im just gonna sit and stare out to the sea.

Gravity pull me back

2010-05-26T21:46:00.002+08:00

I close my eyes and wish i would be sumwhere else far far away.

Take me there now..

YOU PLAYED WITH MY HEART

2010-05-23T21:49:00.002+08:00

Bilah penat.. Bilah penat sangat2.. :'( Thank u for the time spent. But u did this to me. thanks eh fren. Broken.. again. im nothing in ur eyes. i noe. go ahead. a sudden change of heart makes me to change my mind. i dun feel like trusting u animore. go away..... byebye... :'(

~ u lie to me

PMS-ing mode.

2010-05-20T18:54:00.002+08:00

Isit me or tis world is getting on my nerves for the past few daes?
I think it's me. PMS. -.-

I kept telling/seeing/critisizing myself whenever i look at the mirror. No doubts my classmates got irritated by my critisism. [Gee.. i gt issues..] But i cn't help it. I do look "ugly" and Im f-ing big. I "tried" everything. But it all comes crashing and i still ended up being.. FAT. humph. So much of proving to ppl u could be nicer figured bilah... Crap!

I got soo depressed yesterday in the afternoon that i was actually in tears in the train. The train was superly pack with humans, like sardines in a can, but i got to the perfect isolation corner near the MRT doors to isolate myself. I was ear polluting with my headphones on.. SERIOUS ISOLATION. I look out the window and see the world pass by me.. My head were around the world too thinking about the negative of myself. Giving every reason why i was in tears. Plus, i found reasons why "humans" react to me in a way. I dun bother if humans were looking at me being all emo at one corner. Mind Your Own Business. I felt super depressed.

I was thinking about this..

I wish i could go back in time and give my past lovers a proper me to be with. Meaning.. I would rather have a nicer looking me with better figure, better eyesight, better characteristics etc. and my heart was given to that nicer me. Propably by doing so they wouldnt break my heart. [ that was i was thinking] BUT... that.. would be soo plastic if u were think back again. Ryte? There is no such thing as being the perfect human in this world. So i scrap that thought..
Another thought was, what have i gone wrong in my education life that i've not yet be somebody. I noe there must be sumthin i didnt do that i'm not going anywhere but be... blur like sotong. Haiz.. i want to achieve somethin too.. :(
Final thought was, i was soooooo jealous of seeing gurls wearing tudung. They are soo pretty and ironicly, they have a "decent" looking guy that was head over heels for them. I told myself this, " do i need to wear tudung to get a guy???" wtf.. if my morals arent that properly shown, what in the world for i put on the tudung? Am i ryte or am i ryte? Plus, i does not mean that those gurls wearing tudung are all gud.. I ever hear them saying "babi", "mepek siak nie bende" , "nenek kau lah!" in a shop in Tampines. When i turn and look around whom i thought was minah reps.. I WAS WRONG.. they were pretty minah tudungs. Humph.. yes.. minah.. no offence but yea... Soo wasted.. Looks can be decieving huh.

So.. i ended my emo mode in the train after i met Mus. I jus dunwan to be emo around my frens. But sumtimes... It jus.. "appear". hehs

Now.. i better get going doing my projects. BZ BZ week ahead next week.

OUH YA.. SEE DRAMA OH LA LA FAMILY ON SAT FOR THE PLAN YEA.. muahaha.

~Guys can have every girl's possesion.. But they can never have their heart sincerely. When the girl is sincere, She means it. No doubts.

I do have the "hard to read face" and LOTS OF DOUBTS.

2010-05-15T19:46:00.004+08:00

One thing having this "hard to read face" is that when u dunwan anione to noe u had a problem, thats when it comes in handy... to hide it. But the disadvantage is.. u can't run away with the fact that u DO have a problem to solve and it will buzz around ur ear like a fly that u just want to shoo it away..
In the end, the bottled up feelings that i had just burst into tears. I dun wish to be disturbed but once in while.. i wish a friend will do to keep me by my side with a shoulder to cry on.

Showing u my crooked smile is just a way for me to hide that crooked sadness.

I am being reasonable.. ryte? Or... hmm.. Im not?... Kay I dunnoe...
I swear i hate to not noe anything... Im so blurr and i felt s*****.

To that someone..
Maybe.. Ure ryte.. Just maybe.. I'm trying to accept the fact but.. nothing.. nothing really registers to my brain. Or isit me, the one who doesn't want it to register on purpose... *head shaking* I think it's me.. *head nodding*
I'm fine in "a way". But... i noe... deep in ur heart, the fact of accepting MY FACT to u is hard. Furthermore, my weakness over-ruled in not only ur eyes but in others. Im sorry for that. I wish i could change so that all of ur eyes wouldn't be sore from looking at somone like me. I'm sorry to even enter into that world we made that i still think is surreal and it will alwaes be to me. Im sorry fren. Pretend this isn't even happening. Kay..

~sorie.. i think its a mistake... accidental.

Its a game

2010-05-09T22:58:00.002+08:00

Its going to be on a battlefield. Whether its going to be a war or a game.. Its on. *smirks*
Guess me out if im the "killer" or im the "gud citizen", pick ur choice. But remember, whatever choice is made will affect who i will be. Its in ur hands. *smirks*

Shuld i trust u to be on my side or shud i trust those whispers that told me everything about u.. hmm.. hard one..
A third party is involved and i dun like one bit.
A plan must be carried out n only me will noe.

thanks for making me cry.

~i'll be wondering

diam.

2010-05-06T21:56:00.002+08:00

Im feeling rather not here nor there.. But why?
I wish i could have solitude.
I wish i could have stars.
I wish i could run away,
Like a speeding race car.

I feel like screaming,
at the top of my voice.
But if no one can hear my screams,
i dun mind losing my voice.

Bilah thinking too much

2010-05-03T22:39:00.003+08:00

Went to school todae with such tired eyes.. Went for cycling from tamp to pasir ris park on Labour day and had sunburn.. pfft... den... Had a big feast with my family [the whole uncles & aunts & cuzziens included] at the KTM railway station ystdy.. i dun really knew exactly where it is but its near vivo city. We all went furthur in when we're at the place. I never knew they had a mini restaurant [more like warong in malaysia ah -.-]. The whole place looked like as if im in malaysia, but without passport. haha. Seriously.. one side, its as if ure in malaysia.. on the other side, u'll see high rise flats which is in singapore.. man.. weird place for me. haha. Overall, the whole feast was delish! Keropok lekor was nice! We ended dinner at around 9 plus.. den all of us headed to east cost park mac to enjoy dessert.. I had MCFLURRY!! yumm.. tasted the cinnamon melts and its still very sweet for me. The "grown ups" had discussion on the other table, while the "kids" on the other.. boy was i sleepy.. but the whole place was crowded with football fans watching the stupid football on the tv.. sheesh.. i still dun understand on why a grp of guys chasing after a ball.. i dun understand sia.. o.O

Moving on.................

I felt weirder today.. i felt like jealousy has over ruled me, sadness has conquered me, anger has pierce thru me. Maybe its one of those monthly times.. but to think back.. nope.. i do really felt all tat today. Even laughter helped mr thru the day.. Those 3 feelings were just in me today. Weird. I hadn't had sadness for quite awhile.. anger too.. as for jealousy.. who doesn't ryte? everyone does, every single day. I felt like crying but i dun feel people shud see me doing that at this moment so i hold it back. But i couldn't hold it any longer when i heard JOJO'S song "keep on forgetting to forget about you". Damn.. a tear fell. But then, flashbacks started to zoom past my mind.. how i hate those. I suddenly remembered those sentences, " ...who am i to u. how could u do this to me? wats my fault? tell me.." , " its difficult for me to let u go and its difficult for me to get the love back..." , " u are no longer in my life, i hope u could move on.. " , " u told me that ure dead.. but why did someone saw u in school all... fine?.. why??" ........
Omg...
Frustrating..
Im soo jealous whenever i hear or see my frens or anione talks, being with, smiling to someone special... i wanna feel tat kind of thing again.. but.. too bad.. i dont think it will happen...
because, whenever i smile to think what love can bring.. love too crashes me down.. i will think back how i've been hurt by them, how they hate the why i am, how ugly i felt. Haiz.. sooo sooo difficult... :(

i guess i'm thinking too much aren't i.. hopefully i could forget about this... i just need to sleep now..

~ breathe in n out..

sick and worried

2010-04-29T09:46:00.002+08:00

I have to say.. When my frens are troubled, i dun feel gud. Guilty in a sense. I wish i could help but afraid it would make things worst :/ I dunnoe how to put this but sumhw.. i need to apologize.

To a fren : Me and P.A. am sorry for stressing u out. We dun mean to. We really want ur forgiveness. We will not bring up this matter animore. We promise. Just to let u noe, we both will alwaes be there for u. :) We both love our drama oh~la~la babies soo much. :) take care yea. Hugs! from the both of us.

I've been in ur shoes. The world just suddenly turn upside down n ur mind is all blurry and dazed and confuse and many other idioms i couldnt describe but let experience tells it all. Its as if u wanna run away from the problems and just hide behind the shadow. Your heart fell out of ur body. Ur soul just... disaappeared. Well.. rough times.

Again.. we are greatly sorry and we want u to take care of urself. alryte. pls.. for us..

~we all make mistakes in life..

ALOT OF FISH IN THE WATER

2010-04-25T22:06:00.002+08:00

~A true friend stabs you in the front. –Oscar Wilde

~ How can you ever know who your friends are?

A true friend is someone who is always there for you, with no agenda other than the friendship itself. We rely on our friends to lift us up in bad times, to keep us grounded in good times, but most importantly, to be there for us when we need nothing at all.

a Quote taken from a book..

..............................................................................................................................................................................

sometimes, i just dun get humans. [i say this quite alot of times in my blog] Wat do you want? seriously. I dunwan to be pissed at anyone ryte now but to clear things off.. i dun give a damn to anything. U humans just carry on doing wat ure doing, but i dun give a damn. If ure nt satisfied with my way of living, say it to me. thank u soo much. I'll appreciate it :) I'm frens with everybody and i treat everyone with equal amount of respect. Im an open person n i will be able to listen to watever u wanna throw ur s***s at me. Just be carefull when ur playing with fire. Dont judge a book by its cover. Haiz.. [i dunlike to be in a bad mood.]

Anw....

Hangout with drama family ystdy at SENTOSA!! n we had fun. But couldnt torn with them :( sadness.. Gone home at 8pm.. super late! den rushed home before my curfew.. grr..

pics.. pls proceed to my fb thx. [pemals me]

~sumpah malas nk layan..

When these kind of things happens.. im stuck.

2010-04-22T21:34:00.002+08:00

When ure stuck in between. U try to get away from that situation, but if u did get out, and nothing is solved, wouldn't it be the same as running away from ur problems? We're not supposed to be running. We're supposed to be solving. I dun like being stuck in the middle. Especially, between friends and life. sheesh.

I'm being straightforward. At this point of time for my 2nd year in ITE.. im not committed in any "heart 2 heart" relationship. Let me be jealous, irritated, sad, miss, looking at couples.. as long as im not the one who is getting heartbroken at the end of the dae, coz i noe it hurts if i am. I like being hapie go lucky single lady for now. IM SERIOUS. No offence to guys, but sumtimes, when a guy say somethin.. they don't think. Its simple to express out what u wanna say. yes. Have u ever think before u say? Let me ask u. Saying sumthn so cliche or saying words that would obviously make a girl fall for u is like a piece of cake. But it ain't gonna fool me again this time. I had my time and enuf is enuf. Oh ya.. i have to tell u tat i was pissed off by someone. i shall not say who but it spoils my day in class ystdy. grrr.... n im nt gonna chat more. stay where u are and tats it. FULLSTOP. THE END. THANK U. GOODBYE.

For now this is wat im gonna tell guys/boys out there...

all about the balance

2010-04-18T20:25:00.003+08:00

Drama again tmrw.. and so will the next day.. next week.. and.. u noe ah.. ya. Too dramatic huh. :p

Drama mamas has already bonded like super glue. Its soo hard to seperate us. Even for a few hours. We eventually will still end up together at the end of the day. Seriously. Thanx to the camp held during the hols. We even had our own "family" thingy among us.. Im 'kak ngah' which is middle sister.. hahas. cute ah. :p Im hapie that we did bond.. Lovin' this batch of dramaians man.. :)

On the other hand though.. somehow i felt like as if.. ive been seperated with my skul mates back in skul.. hmm.. I wanna apologize to my friends if im doing so.. Its not i wanna forget my old frens when i get new ones on purpose.. try be in my shoes.. or atiqah shoes.. we are stuck in the middle and unsure where to go. Seriously. Guilty in both ways..We did try to balance things out. Ok give us some time to do so.. alryte? I noe in my heart my frens will alwaes not be forgotten. I promise. :)

Talked about some problems raised by my committe members during the drama meeting ystdy nite at starbucks. Serious.Laugh.Serious.Giggles.Serious.Cried.Laugh.Crap all the way. hahah.. tat was the atmostphere.. Well.. drama has abit of issues here and there.. were strong enuf to solve it hmm..

Lets side track to my fantasy for a moment.

I was thinking.. When will my vampire come to me. heee.. Accepting this vamp as who she is. I may not be pretty. I may not be small. I may not even have the money. But i noe i have a heart and a soul that i may share with my vamp if found. :) Sincerely from my heart and soul. :P heee im only day dreaming about this... haha! if it does come true.. im gonna smile like i've never smile before :D heee heeee..

Sweet dreams to my vampire wherever u are.. :P

~its not wrong to dream..

feel like blogging

2010-04-14T21:42:00.004+08:00

Heyho! I'm back humans! GEEEHHHEEE...

See my new hair!! >>>>>>>>>

oh.. tis is after Mus helped me to straighten it.. damn its pretty after he does it for me.. if not my hair will be... POOFFF!!-ED up.. yup.. nice ryte.. thank you putra tapha a.k.a mus.. :D this is the first day of camp :D [before all the hell-brakes-loose camp starts..] so nice.. :D ok diam.

My Drama camp was sooooo much fun! i specially loved the Amaizing Race Drama Edition. haha Even though it was amizingly tiring due to extreme running.. i did had dun. Im the facilitator for the yellow team who won FIRST in that race. It was a close call i might say coz it either the blue team [my nemesist grp urgh!] or my yellow team will win this race.. thank god i asked my team members to run off first before me. [Im a slow poke.. -.- ] U dunnoe how i happie i was when rifdee [my team member ] told that we won. Hahah.. i was about to cry and at the same time catching my breath from running.. so its like both and i did felt like fainting. hahah.. but when my team members and atiqah hugged me.. damn i felt gud competing with the blue team and suprisingly won a race! In my heart i was saying/singing , " yes ah!!!! i beat u taufik! na na ni poo poo!! yellow won~oh yea~yellow won~oh yea~ omg!! I feel good~na na na na~ i knew that i would now~na na na na~ i feel good~na na na na~" hahah thats wat i said. Im soo proud of the yellow

team :) Ok wait.. i didnt have my grp pic yet.. coz they upload it alot in fb lah.. so hehe.. u just go rifdee's link to see our group pic la eh. :D [pemalas nye org -.-] :P

Anw.. the rest of the camp was cool :) But the uncool thing is.. Atiqah kept on being sick.. Coz u noe why... she lazy to eat coz no mood. -.- [Im so giving u the wth look la tiqah..] ya.. but watever it is we kept her going and had a succesful camp! :D Even there's "technical glitches" happening behind close doors... we did make this camp happen and im proud of my committee members :D ATIQAH, MUZ, SAFI, IZZATY, RISMY, SITI and MIRAH. Well done babes and dudes :D Love drama forever!!!!!!

Hey u guys noe wat.. i feel like looking up to the nite sky now n see the stars shining above the world.. so Pweetty.. yes.. i noe its random but yea.. its gonna be nice if there's someone there beside u too.. Counting the stars together.. Enjoying the night breezze.. Relax.. or a Hug or two.. heheh.. i miss those times lah. :P *sighs* well.. i guess it will just be in my dreams with my vampire. It will do. :D

Anw i noe i shuld be optimistic about wat im going thru now and noe where i stand in reality. It didn't really bother me much. Im Just gonna live my life.. enjoy being single ladies *singing beyonce song* hahahah..

Uhuh.. den, i need to do a thorough check on myself before falling flat on the face for "love". As alwaes ... uhuh~ :P

~ "aku terlanjur cinta kepada mu.. dan telah ku berikan seluruh hatiku.. tapi mengapa harus kini kau pertanyakn.. cintaku... " -rossa feat. pasha ungu.

It was okay..

2010-04-02T21:25:00.004+08:00

Yeap. U guys might not noe bout my hair cut n im tellin u now.. i did get my hair cut.. YESTERDAE.. went out with zawiyah n cut off my looooong witch hair.. haha Nenek Kebayan oii.. If u asked me if i miss it.. Just a little bit; but it was okay.. i've longed for a hair cut aniway ryte? My hair had touched my butt ya noe.. i had it since... uhh... hmm.. sec 5 or sumthin. Before o levels i started to keep. Uhh.. My 1st Ex boifren's wish so... humph.. wth.. Ouh n my wish too! I did ask to have my hair as long as Amy Lee's.. heheh.. Ok im hapie with it so.. its time to go beybeh.. :D Didn't capture a pic [anw my phone has no cammie so.. hmm.] to show.. but im tellin ya.. soon. Just wait n see..

Its gonna be very bz next week i presume. Drama camp is around the corner. Had to complete this and that with the president[atiqah]& her P.A.[mus]. I actually cant wait for it.. 3 days 2 nites at ITE simei. But i might say.. KACHING!! is very2 tight now. Struggling to pay this and that. More payment coming up F.Y.I.. masyaallah.. i got a huge headache to even think kabout it. Pfft.. I dunwan to burden my parents. well.. since they themselves have money issues which den it will lead to me having the same issue. Get it? ya.

Have to get red polo tee from Giordano for NE skit
A "costume" for NE skit big day
Pay library fine [pathetic.. its only $1 plus n if i dun pay i cnt borrow books -.-] thru ez-link[must top up at least $10 for that.. wat crap!!??
Buy perfume

So there.. stuff that needs to be settled. Hopefully when skul reopens.. im shud be okay.. relying on pocket money man.. *head shaking*

ANW.. Going off from that topic.. I need to say sumthin to a fren.

Hey.. i noe wat u want us to be. But isn't it too soon? Im sorry to say, I suppose u have other intentions by judging the way u speak to me. Dun get me wrong but Im okae with u. We are just frens. I treat u as a fren. Not more. I dunnoe how to say it to u though. We actually barely knew each other inside out even its been.. a year ive been acquainted with you. So give me a break with what u want us to be. U disappeared for quite awhile den u reappeared and saying this to me? U dunnoe me. Again.. im not angry, just puzzled. I bet u even knew if i was acting or not when i replyed those msgs back at u. Its soo clear that u have other things in mind. Please.. stop it. I had enuf going thru accidental falling in love with people. AND, its not accidental if u were ever to break my heart. Im not paranoid, but i just want to give myself a break. Ok no. BIG BREAK. I'm not ready yet to receive anymore "love" from anybody or vice versa, unless i understand wats the main purpose of being in a relationship. Plus i dun cut out to be urs. I noe. I noe coz u never see each other before, just thru the cyber social network. Dun u noe u shudnt trust pictures in the net these days? Ok now.. i hope u understand my situation. I noe u can get someone better then me. Go find her. Let us stay as frens shall we?

~consider it my fren. Oh to one more prsn, Im just lazy to layan ur kerenah so stop texting me when i dunwant to be disturbed like my sleep. Urgh!!

Bleeds all over again n i dunnoe what to do.

2010-03-29T19:43:00.005+08:00

It just sux when u think ur day is gonna be fine but it turns out otherwise. It just sux to the core when the dae was ruined by the past that just appear without u being prepared to face it. It just sux to feel mixed up and u dunnoe what to do when this happens. It just sux when ur old "beloved" was the blame. It just sux that u had to tell someone about this and they got pissed at u for being so negative. It just sux when noone is able to help as this is my problem n i have to face it BIG TIME over again. It just sux when u have grudges towards someone.

IT JUST SUX TO GET HEART BROKEN!!! IT SUX!!! IT SUX!!!

Its like your old wound just bleeds all over again and your heart beats fast when the adreneline shots up to ur brain n u feel like its gonna burst any minuite. The world just starts to spin like a top around u n ur mind goes... POOF!!.. blank. Just like that. U noe that ure like a zombie even ure walking at the ryte direection and place. Ur plams sweats cold sweat and its shaky. U feel like fainting, but u noe ure gonna make a scene at the public area. Ur hands balled up into fists and its as if its gonna shoot fire balls at anione who speaks at u. Ur eyes turn hot as if when u look at someone, rays will shoot out n it may burn any human's skin/face when u look at them. U wish ur teeth will turn into fangs and bite off ur enemy's neck and suck their bloods dry...

No its not u. ITS ME. IM HAVING ALL THESE THOUGHTS AND ITS AS IF ITS GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.

Why? Why? Why must he appear ryte infront of me n caught me off guard? Why must it be this day that we must catch a glimpse of each other at the busstop? Why is he there? Why am i shocked when i saw him? Why is my mind all over the place?

I can't believe what im gonna say but it must be said.

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!... i do.. i hate u...

i hate u soo much... i hate u soo much for breaking my heart! i hate u soo much that my heart has shattered into pieces! i hate u soo much for making my life in miesery! i hate u soo much for making me lose my faith on love! i hate u soo much soo much for being the reason why i cried a thousand tears! i hate u soo much for making me fall into a ditch tat is soo deep that im struggling my way out, to the light! i hate u soo much for making that shadow fall on me and the whole world turns dark! i hate u soo much knowing i did once fall inlove with u! i hate u soo much for knowing u...

You are the reason why i can't seem to understand what love meant. I can't even pronounce 'LOVE'. Its just stings my mouth. I'm soo lost after u throw me away.. I'm not asking you to have me back... never.. but i want u to noe about what ur actions did to me now. By ur actions, it thought me that love is a big lie. AND I HATE LIARS. It thought me that no matter how much u sacrifice, u still will broken at the end of the day.. SO WHY BOTHER SACRIFICING?! It thought me that your alluring words can be a poison. AND I FALL FOR IT STUPIDLY. It thought me that guys are all the same. AND ITS TRUE NO OFFENCE. It thought me that love only exists in fantasy. FANTASY LOVE IS MUCH BETTER THEN REALITY LOVE. kill me if im wrong...

I just hate u now. thank you very much. its a pain in my heart to know that im a rubbish in people's eye and im able to be thrown away just like that. Say im ugly. Say im fat. I noe where i stand in people's eye n in this earth. Too painful to let u see. U just opened up the wound that i've been patching up with all my strength and will, and it bleeds all over again and i dunnoe what to do.... thanks alot.

~regreted bumping into u..

sigh when will this thing stop.

2010-03-24T19:05:00.003+08:00

Can't my oh-so-complicated lyfe just get any worse? I'm here not to bore ppl with my emo posts.. but i just dunnoe how or any other way for me to tell others wat i'm going thru in my mind n soul. I can be "physically alryte" as u see me or my frens see me in.. but in my mind it is like a battlefield thats been going for eons of times tats uncountable to me. I'm not being melodramatic but im seriously speaking you about the truth. The whole truth, nothing but the truth. I'm not asking for anyone's pitty with what i'm going thru. Just sumone to be my listening ear for once... Just for once.

People do not know how i feel every nyte before going to bed. My mind can't stop thinking about the hurt tat i get whenever people see me as invisible. My head hurts thinking about it. It does make a thumping beat everytime. Ouch. The hurt tat haunted me after every breakups i had for the past 2 years of my dating life. The hurt that even my parents cant seem to understand what i'm going thru behind close doors of my own bedroom. What can i do to get their attention? Do i have to be in an accident or almost kill myself to do all that? By doing so, will then people whom i knew will then start to remember about me ever existing in their world? Do i have to go to that extend? HUH!! SOMEONE!! ANSWER ME!!.... I'm waiting!..

See no one could answer. I told you so.

The tears would welled up in my eyes and out it flows.. tiny droplets at a time. Untill.. i guess.. there's no more left for it to wet my eyes whenever these thoughts came across my mind. Sometimes, all i could do was.. sigh, read my prayers, listen to music till i fell asleep. Its just too often for me to go crazy about it bothering me now. I might understand tat i did ever posted about me hurting myself in my blog and you guys want to know the reason behind it. Ok i tell u. By hurting my hands, meaning.. punching, knocking it with my knuckles, hit it with my paint bottles, there's a feeling of satisfaction to me after i see it turn 3 different colours from my skin tone. All the hurt, the misery shown by the bruise is just... there. Yes i does hurt as the daes goes by. But it became soo numb. soo numb.. *tears*

I noe i dun get any benefit by doing so. yes. no. i dun know. All i care now is just to go on with this only life i have n spend it with my friends and those who ever loved me. When i hear my friends told me tat they are facing such hardship tat they can't barely handle, i just laugh within myself. Try getting in my shoes n i show u wat hardship n miesery really means. I think they can die. No doubts for sure.

I may be blind or wrong saying that no one loves me. I noe tat. MAYBE my parents do love me. they just have to try harder. MAYBE some people that i'm alwaes around with do care about me. they just have to see thru my eyes. That's all i'm saying.

~let me just stay here n one by one ignite a ball of fire n blow off those memories.

my dear friends

2010-03-20T15:36:00.003+08:00

Me and safy babbyyy!! heheh camwhored with taufik's cam.. hahaha.. floading n using up his memory card with our nonsense pic.. hahha ok la nt nonsense.. ITS PRETTY PRETTY !! heheh :P

omg.. i just edited these pics of my dear Hc frens.. and unable to upload at Facebook. I'll try again nxt tyme n tag u guys alryte ? i love u guys muches!!!

missed talking to the world

2010-03-17T21:58:00.004+08:00

I missed u. I missed u. I missed u. so so much!

if this blog is alive.. im gonna hug u for sure.. i mean seriously.. i missed blogging..

Holidays are soo kinda dreadful when the only thing u are able to do to kill ur boredoom has been cut off in a way.. hah! in that case go kill urself.... NOT! dun be an idiot.. *smack ur head* I mean, when ur oldies somehow "wedge" u about u coming home late and all, nagg about nothing in particular just to make the steam came out of ur heads and ready to blow ur heads off, u think u're free to go out as and when u like? Think again. kae... u noe wat forget it.. dun bother to think.. isn't it obvious u are shackled to ur house and just waiting to turn rotten in a months time? [ if tats how long ur holidae is uh..] THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. AND THIS VAMPIRE HATES IT! dammnit..

I just hate the moments when u hear ur oldies nagg god-noes-what in ur ear n u noe its going out the other... after tat u started to cry for g0d-noes-what the reason is.. and after that... silent treatment happens.. GREAT.

I dun really think the "nagging" helps anione. seriously. i presume in my own opinion or observation, no matter what in the world they babble about at u.. u just simply.. ignore.

ryte? dun bluff.

But the weirdest thing is, u sumhow able to capture bits and pieces about the nagging tat in the end it made u soo... crappy and cranky and saddy and fucked up noeing that ur oldies were talking about ur life and ur friends that affects ur stupid behaviour. Get it? insanely true. dun believe, try it. hahah..

One thing i notice about being alone is that, ur head starts to spin around the entire universe practically thinking things that ure not supposed to think about. [yes im alone.] [yes im a lonner.] [yes its true.] [yes.. dun be weird about it.]

I simply acted as if im all fyne n i dun care wat bullshits that are coming at me everydae. Even ignored nagging was an achievement. see i dun care. Plus, i bashed up my hand [on the right] and didnt flinched about it being hurt. SERIOUSLY. Now its bruised in blue black patch. Whoa.. i dunnoe i was that strong.. o.O

Anyway.. does it really matter if im alone? [so much frens yet alone.] well, used to it. Practiced it since... primary school. Teachers should be proud of me since i did wat they thought me. "PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT" ... aaaahhh...

IRONIC. -.-

Well.. i wanted to write a novel here but... hahaha... okok i stop.. tell u more soon kae... :)

dun worie im gonna be fine with myself. [crossing fingers]

~u didnt care.. why shud i?

Exams alas stressed alas im just gonna shhhh...

2010-03-07T19:07:00.003+08:00

EXAMS!! EXAMS!! OH MY EXAMS!! yes.. exams.. uhuh.. *grieving*

Taking a break from studying for a minuite. ok maybe not a minute.. like 45 minuites.. [o.o! liar!] :P waaaaat... im like pushing all those notes n my brain here hellu... pfft..

I have to pass my exams.. actually to be exact.. I WANT to pass my exams.. i really gotta score for this GPA.. *praying* its like my life is at stake here humans! the future is in my hands!! it better be passing of exams... or.. or... housewifeee!!! NOOOOO!! AAAAHHH!!! NOOO!! NOT HOUSEWIFE!!!! EEMMMAAAKK!!! [ soo drama uh tis gurl.. ] sheesh here me out people! god... the agony.... [o.O?]

*smack the head from the back* CUT THE CRAP... [ -.-"] [insert ur "im-lost-what-the-hell-is-she-talking-about-face"]

Enuf.

Bruised me hand again after so long. couldnt take a photo to show but yah its bruiesd. on the left. Haiz. social norms are driving me emotionally crazy. Thus the result was bruising to me hand. My parents dun even noticed it. I bet, after like a month later den they will. Its alwaes been like that. Carrying the world on my own shoulders was like carrying a bag full of textbooks.. Used to it already. so.. my socialising is becoming bad to wosrst these daes.. well, wat can i do. Parents dun really pay much attention so i dun bother telling wat happen. simple. I alwaes feel to stay out longer outside till the nite comes n not to go home. Be it with or without frens. hmm.. shud i bruise myself again? hands are itching though...

~ Solitude sails in a wave of forgiveness on angel's wings.

awkwardness.. omg.

2010-03-03T00:16:00.002+08:00

Ok this is awkward. i dunnoe why.. but it is. [coz sumone noe what u did n ure guilty now ryte... padan muke]
uhhh.. okae... ANW.. juz wanna apologize to anione who ate the chili after i "serve it" previously.. hmm. k dah.

Can i ask if anione ever wonder wat will happen if u switched body with someone else? haha.. i wish i did. i mean its nt that i really want to la but i would want to experience it. Curiousity kills the cat ya noe. Imagine u were actually floating to that person's body n going in. hahah! creepy. ya n den u'll noe his/her deep dark secrets after u got hold of the body. Hah! I have a thought! imagine if u already exchange the body.. den tat person has BO! OMG! experience man!!! hahahaha oh! oh!! or maybe tat person has a diary n u flip it open n see tat he/she backstabbed u n write all sorts of things about u.. oh my.. ok.. sheesh tats nasty.. tsk tsk.. well then ALL HELL BRAKES LOSE! haha. [ketawe la kau.. -.-]

talking about writing.. i received test paper back from lecturer and i practically did sumthin or shud i sae wrote sumthin funny.. in the TEST paper.. actually the qn ask to describe sumthin n i 4get wat izit.. anw.. ya.. i answered wat my head asked me to la. so at the point when im writing it during the test.. i was serious.. but when i gt back the paper.. i laughed at myself man.. i read wat i wrote... den laugh my ass off.. this is wat i wrote..

" no use a person having an IQ as clever as EINSTEIN but if that person has the attitude and bad character like as bad as a SQUID.. still no point." HAHAHAHAH!!

wtf did i wrote tat sia.. even my lecturer was laughing at me.. she sae..

Ms lydia: "since when u noe that squids have a bad attitude n character? hahahaha!"
me: "waat.. thats wat i wanted to explain uh cher.. but i dunnoe how.. so i sae like that la.. hahah!"
Ms Lydia: "its so funny when i mark the paper u noe even Ms fun was laughing"
Me: *shocked* "u show miss fun??? waahh... nice.."
Atiqah: "wah nabilah ure famous in the staff room for ur squid... "
Me: "wth..."

den i ask miss Fun in the next lesson..

Me:"Cher! u noe about my squid ah?"
Miss Fun: "ya lah.. wahlao.. einstein was ok.. but squid??? wat..."
Me: " hahaha!! cher.. i dunnoe hw to xplain laaa... n stop saying squid.."
Miss Fun: "den u shud say cuttlefish.."
Me: "wats the difference sey cher... sarcastic sehh... hahaha"
Miss fun: "HAHAHAHA!"

ok i noe lame hor :P

haha ok i wanna sleep..

~haiz.. swollen eyes

SHIT! ouh crap...

2010-02-28T00:42:00.003+08:00

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! can i sae more? ok. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIIIIT!!!
stupid dream.. ouhmygod.. ok. now im like talking to this person. n we like got the same f-ing dream n i dun wish it will happen. SERIOUSLY!
ok.. im bad... bad.. bad... paranoid now.. omg... shit.. he still can "hehe" with me now. WTF?!
THIS MUST BE A MISTAKE. THAT DREAM IS A MISTAKE. O.O HELP.. wth.. he now "lol-ing" eh.. he enjoying my agony sehhh... wtf..
I'll deal with him later...

Supposedly to be sleeping.. but had to finish up my project. Watched TITANIC on teevee just now.. n as usual it never fails to make me cry. Jack.. come back.. jack... [hello.. comeback to earth..] oh.. heheh sorie.. Leonardo was soo HOOTT la last time.. i fall for him.. now... taylor.. is mine!!!! muahahahahahaha!!!
ok diam. go to sleep. -.-

SIALLAAA... tat guy still tak paham bahase!!!

~omg not u

read.. sadden.. sighs.. wished... wait.. cried...

2010-02-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

Read my ouh-so-long eons ago blog posts moments earlier.. I'm just overwhelmed. ALOT of things had been going on with me since my N levels. Sorie to say i felt like a psycho uh. Both in gud n bad way.. [wth got gud psycho meh?] i declare, i've been thru alot. People may not understand me. I dun mind. Wat i noe was.. i'm still walking on this earth and trying to live my life as much as i can.

Eh... I'm not growing younger okeh... Sheesh.. Old Bird.. [haha.] sooner or late u'll see my invitation to my wedding reception in ur mailbox... CHOY!!!!!!! Still long for tat.. CHOY! CHOY! CHOY!

ANW.. had fun for drama... n atiqah pls stop disturbing wann for goodness sake... -.-
not siding but... paisey liao!! -.-

~aku berhenti mengharap

uhhh.. deja vu?

2010-02-22T06:37:00.002+08:00

In the wee ours of this morning.. BLOGGING.
Anw, i was soooooooo frustrated by wat my [actually my mum's] laptop did to me last nite.[ oooo... da bagus tu ade laptop]. Ive been doing my LFS project like more than 6 hrs.. not counting the time at skul after drama.. i tell, when the whole thing suddenly jam n the whole programme shut's down.. i felkt like punching that wall like the "hulk" did.

AAAARGGHH!!!

Then i apologized to steffi coz unable to send it to her... SO SORIE STEFFI.. I SWEAR I AM N IM NT LYING THAT THE WHOLE PROGRAMME JUZ HANG LIKE THAT.. IM SOO SORIE. so i make up the time i stayed up in the morning to complete that F-ing project. Goodness..

I kept saving that pwrpt slide every slide i made. my god!... urgh! now im tired to go to skul... ff!!

see my world through my eyes. boooring..

2010-02-19T20:26:00.003+08:00

All hail for me being back!! geee heee.. [who are u excuse me.. puh-lease... -.-]

miss me? miss me? miss me?? U humans miss me ryteee... dun bluff... i noe... [soo perasan.. sheesh] ahah. :P

Terminated blogging for a period of time due to certain time constrains of doing projects for school. so yea..

uuuuhhhhhh.....

Have u ever.. being so attached to character in a book that u feel as if ure the character itself? i did. A few nites ago. I was reading [as usual] vampire books.. i got soo emotional.. soo into tat character.. i cried the hell out of me. SERIOUSLY. I actually felt the emotions potrayed by the charcters n thus making me cry like i've lost my boifren [NO I DUN HAVE ONE. JUST AN EXAMPLE] or a cat just died. Well, i could sae tat was a gud book. i've never felt anithin like it before. soo two thumbs up for the author :)

Realising that humans can deteriorate ur character as a person, i come to conclusion tat, i have to agree to tat. Haish.. I dun realise it in the beginning though, just recently... Anw...

When u were just about to build the positive walls around u, came this human and god's gift of tat human's mouth, the walls tat were halfway done was sudden shaken and not long after that it just collapses.. I just dun refer this testimoni only to me but other humans tat i've observed as well. Humans somehow are able to destroy another human just by the words used or rather i shud sae critisism tat they imply to satisfy themselves. Wat cruelty. *shaking head* Ashamed by the fact that i'm a human myself... but rationally saying we humans couldnt escape to make mistakes.. ryte?

Hey.. wait... dun just have the thought that watever we do... we use the staement above to describe our human weaknesses. We atleast shud try our best, yes? [ note to self: remember wat u sae n dun just tell for the sake of blogging] i'm trying myself.. hard. Really..

Actually there's a reason for me writing this. Its just a friendly advice to some people i know. Im nt telling who.

Ok i'm done advising. :D

Lastly, about Drama.. Yes Drama. Been having this practices for the up coming project/skit about NS.. and i can sae.. i just dun expect me to be in tat kind of character. heh. *head shaking* I hadnt realise being flirtatious was difficult. hahaha! soo not my forte.. anw.. yes had to be flirtatious with a fren or "admirer" as in the script stated. My GOOOOSHHH... i tell ya.. i swear i blushed the whole time and others saw it.. i dunnoe whether i turn red-er than a tomato but.. by wat i see.. i think.. ya... VERY RED.

**[Wann i mean no harm.. its just acting coz i feel abit paisey n uncomfortable ah.. hee.. soo yea.. :P]

the worst has yet to come...

This skit tat i'm in actually will go on tour in every ITE campuses.. BIGGER OMG!!... i noe... i feel like fainting too.. jeeezz.. Help... :S

~trying hard not to believe but cnt help it.. i want it soo badly..

business overtook my life n im just hallucinating

2010-02-06T20:43:00.003+08:00

Well o well.. feb kicks in with a hectic start. Bottom line, i'm practically bz with assignments and projects that dues in the coming week ahead. Imagine one deadline after another. HOW CHAOTIC!!
*smirks*
No suprise.. since this "smart alec" [me] wishes to be really bz not to long ago, got her medicine spoon fed ryte in the face now. Nice.. To add the icing on the cake, CCA was another thing that has been making me "sumhow" bz. Being the vice-p [im nt bragging bout the position im in just acknowledging :P ] i never knew it could be a tough position to handle. jeez.. politics which i dun wish to discuss has sparked a tiny bit at the moment. Juniors this time round in drama was okae. Couldn't make any reviews yet but one thing i knew.. MY JUNIORS ARE CUTE! HAHA! yeap. no doubt. However, the committee is still in the process of getting ourselves organised n getting the juniors bond with the senoirs. GAhah.. i was having a tough time getting myself out of the shell to be out-spoken. *head shaking* stop it sia with my low self-esteem. Get over it will ya Nurul? Smack the head den u noe... Anw im trying my best to get all this done without getting myself sick, angau [in malay for stressed out], emo shit, moody, etc etc etc.. yea practically lets just sae i wont go siao ting-tong la ah. :D

Looking at the time like for the past hour, im gawking now. It's like "OMG time flies super fast la seh!" Supposedly i shud be getting myself in a proposal that i've not yet started n im like.. mati sia. -.- HAIISSH!

nevermind i still wanna blog.. assignments cn get lost for now.. come back in 15mins time ok? ok go.. O.o
[giler kepe budak nie..]

Have u humans ever think for a second or so about sumtimes u just need ur alone time? way way alone from the human beings in this planet. way way away from the stupid assignments. way way away from scorching sun that burns ur skin when u walk out in the streets. way way.. ok i think u got wat i mean.. hahaha :P yup.. i need it now.. BADLY! urgh!!!
You can have all the frens u want, no doubt tat smiles and laughter will made ur day n their prescence is heart-warming, but sometimes u just gotta be alone and take in the air sloooooooowly... [count the 'o's] or maybe u will sumtimes wish for a companion that will shower u with that "love" n those "awwww-ing" stuff [hell i dunnoe wat u guys do n i dunwan to noe haha] ryte? i feel suffocated sumtimes though. do you? hmm.. well up to u guys how u take it. As long as u just dun bang urself on the wall like one achi fighting with her husband just bcoz of her son's shit she doesnt want to throw away.. [ the p.ramlee movie bujang lapok scence la... rmbr ornot? "...pasal taik pon mau gaduh per?" haha yea tat scence] kae? hahaha im just crapping la. :P

ok shud end here now n get start with watever tat im supposed to be doing.

ouhya.. i might not be able to blog most of the time coz bz la! so ehehe i blog when i blog :D

~close my eyes n think hapie thoughts... NOT! aheeh!

post this.

2010-01-30T21:34:00.002+08:00

F-ing tired. [beginning of sentence already vulgarities sheesh] went out yesterday to orchard with shikin n tiqah n steffi n Ms fun to have dinner n reach home at 11 plus.. den todae gtg go to drama early till noon.. den do project.. mati ah.. pengsan aku di buatnye. next week mcm2..
but the dinner was fun n mengenyangkn.. haha i ate till im full. but the main dish was.. waffles with tiramisu ice cream! CRAVINGS SIA. yea.

actually no mood to blog.. aiyoh..

wat did i do wrong

2010-01-27T00:02:00.003+08:00

APE SALAH AKU? Hine sgt ke aku ini dari pandangan orang laen. Kenape manusia begitu kejam. Kadangkala aku terfikir juga kenape aku berada di dunia ini. Walaupun itu bukan urusan aku, aku seharusnye bersyukur dapat menikmati kehidupan di dunia. tapi manusia2 itu sungguh kejam. sakit hati org yg mereka bicarakan tidak diendahkn.. walaupun berbadan gempal.. hati tetap sama. Aku juga seorang manusia.. Tak tau lah.. Aku tk tau apa yang mereka mahu daripada aku. Sudah masuk 4 kali mereka menyakiti hati aku. Tidakkah mereka berfikir sebelum berbicara? haiz.. aku sudah buntu. Walaupun berasa marah dan geram.. aku tidak boleh melakukan apa2. Biar saja mereka menghina aku. Satu hari nanti biar mereka mendapat balasannya..

aku menangis. mengalir darah yang tak berwarna dari dua mataku ini. sakit hati bagai dicucuk2 duri yang tajam. Kalau mahu mengikuti kehendak dihati.. mahu memebalas segala kemarahan. tapi apakan daya.. aku tidak berhak.

Aku tahu siapa diriku di padagan mata kamu semua. Yang aku tahu sekarang. Matlamat adalah menamatkan pengajian aku di sekola dan mendapat keputusan yang mengembirakan kedua ibu bapa aku. Aku berharap.. perbuatan kebudakkan mereka itu tidak menghalang aku daripada merebut peluang untuk meraih sijil.

Untuk mereka2 yg suka menghina org dari paras rupa.. cermin muka kamu sendiri.

the random funny

2010-01-23T20:29:00.004+08:00

sialah!! my face!!! hahahahahahahahahahahah.....

Sumpah... me and my cuzzins got nothin else better to do... its super hilarious uh!!! my face is super crapo.. n thx to miss athirah syazana.. she can't stop laughing at my face.... hahhahaha....

atiqah.. i noe u'll be laughing..... i can seeee... baaaahhhh!!!! :p

~when i sleep i dream of the undreamable...

Unique i guess..

2010-01-21T20:35:00.003+08:00

i suddenly realised i was "old" when talking to mother moments ago.. sheesh.. wat a thought..

she was talking about how u should wait for marrige n stuff when watching this TV3 drama. That guy was so itching to get that girl, den soon he marries her without his parents concent. My mum was like " tis guy can't wait n nw he's married to tat girl n she's already pregnant.." i was ooohh-ing most of the time. heard this thing over n over -.- den i was chilishly curious n ask her wats their age in the show.. she told me that they were still very young like not reaching their tweenties yet.. den i give my mother the wth look.. -.- i said " u cn say that they are around my age wat.. 18, 19.. u think im still veeeryy young ah?" thats when i realise wat my words meant. jeesh.. I'M OLD!!!!!! -.- great...

SVE test was.. okeh.. coz i studied it for like about 4 times on that chapter.. n still.. when the lecturer came in n told us.. "class.. hw bout we bring it to fridae ? i bet u guys are still nt ready right?!" i was like wth man! just give us the damn test already! plus she bribed us telling that if we postponed it to tommorrow we go home early todae yes or no?.. [nice tactic uh cher..] we were alaaa-ing n todaelaa-ing at her.. in the end, she we did the test aniwae.. hah!! student win!! never in my history of education life that i wanted the test to be done on my own will. hahahah *head shaking*

im loving my busyness abt skul lately. i noe u might be saying "Crazy ah!" but yea.. lovin it. not literally love skul but the work that was given. Crazy..

ouh bdw..

Sumthin for my two frens...

when the darkness overtook the daylight,

i noe that a day was spent.

Lying on my bed wondering,

how did my day went?

smiles and laughter filled my thoughts,

i had a wonderful dae dispite the odds.

thankful to them for bringing me sunshine,

thankful to them they for bringing love and kind.

they thought me that love was blind and alwaes will be,

but never they say that love wasn't for me.

i love them so dearily

thank you atiqah and shikin sincerely from me... :)

~unique as i am

call me when youre sober

2010-01-20T20:53:00.003+08:00

how could i... have burn paradise..
how could i... when you.... were NEVER MINE...
so dun cry to me.. if u love me...
u would be here... with me..
dun lie to me.. just get your things...
i've made up your mind....

snips of Evanesence song playing in my mind for two daes now.. you noe why.. coz the most "bizzare" thing happen in school yesterday after my Physical fitness lesson. The guy who ditched me not too long ago like... i dunnoe.. ard october or november last year just sumhw "magically" appear from the mist. He text me. I practically drop on the floor from the bench tat i was sitting [thankfully nt tat high from the floor] and uber shocked when i dig in my bag to check my phone for msgs.. my frens were like "nabilah, are you okeh?! wat happen??" den i let go of my phone just like tat n atiqah picked it up.. n she was uberly shocked as i was. she insisted on replying but as i had not read the msg at the start i sae "nvm i want to noe wat he sae.." den i look n... phheww.. i cn feel adreneline rush passing through my body. self talk to me n ask wat the hell does he want. body still shaking due to after shock. Great.
After afew msgs.. questioning me n me replying with full of sarcasm come to one conclusion that answered the gut feeling that i had during the whole conversation. There must be sumthin that he wants. yup. n true enuf.. he wants to meet me n misses me. like.. wth??!! wats wrong man? u ditched me. just like that. left me with bruises in my eyes n heart.. u have the cheek of saying that u miss me n u want to meet? This is wat i call.. BULLSHIT people... when i was crying like one mad person hoping for u to give me a chance, u simply turn me away. n now.. i presume that u didnt receive what ure searching for after we broke up, u come back..wow.. standing ovation for u..
Frankly speaking n not lying.. i may have the hope to talk to him but.. after punching much sense that knocks on my brain.. i decided.. thats the allure of stupid guy who just being a sicko. sorie. NOT!
Ok enuf. hemmourhagering myself won't do me any gud aniwae so.. watever.

SVE test is like tmrw. Housekeeping and CA3 of SVE on mondae.. deadline for project next week. A handfull huh.. yup.. but at least im occupied. plus.. loan 4 books from the library to get me more occupied. hahas. wat else.. vampires are alwaes my choice of books no doubts. :D
Speaking of vampires.. i read a chapter in the train this morning n it got me smiling like a.. mental person. in front of me was a guy who accidentally was daydreaming till he saw me smiling.. i was soo.. paisey i covered my face with my uberly long hair.. haha. wth.. as long as i enjoy wat i read. its fine man. Plus.. another guy standing infront of me, a dragonboater was miraculously sleeping while standing up. Speaking of exhaustion.. pitty himm.. [but never give up the sit -.-] he's from SP.
Ouh lastly.. finally gt my STRIKING GREEN YOG volunteer shirt. hahas.. wee,,...!! ok time to shut up...

~ain't worth my time...

i stop and stare

2010-01-15T23:14:00.002+08:00

Shud i sae more when its proven ryte infront of me that we humans [me included] are the world's greatest actor and actresses. That emmy award shud be given to every one man. Eh, even though im blur like a cuttlefish in the tin .. i noe wats happening around me. one after another. aiyoh!

Saturdae's is approching like a few more hours and i'm plan-less.. jeeesh.. Got to noe that i had to babysit my sis coz everyone's going out. ok i'm a boring person. but siting at home no vampire books to read i will go mad ya noe!

Ouhya.. i was smiling to myself in the train like a stupid person tis morning coz of my imagination. waaa thx eh.. OI JGN PIKIR KOTOR LA SEH!! i was thinking about how hapie a girl would be when she found her soulmate. i was actually listening to song, future love. haha.. my cinderella story havent come yet ah.. who wants an ugly fugly girl like me. ryte? damn.. i have to wait long long.. haiz..

me dunnoe wat else to blab... sumpah tk tau.. tapi pikiran. aaaah fuck!

~let me learn how to be patient

when every song i play, i'll get in the mood

2010-01-14T22:35:00.003+08:00

Without music, i will concider my world as nothing. It will be just a piece of blank paper, smacked ryte infront of my face.

Where's the beat? Where's the rythem? No tempo? Guitars? Drums? Keyboards? Vocals? Where are they?? Wouldn't it be boring?

Precisely.

Every morning heading for school, these ears are itchin to hear the songs listed in my MP3. So my headphones are my precious n mean soo much to me. Press the on button, select track, press play and i'll get n the mood.. ooouhh yeaaah..

Had HSM test today [sales n marketing] and i sucked. Period. When u had only 24hrs on the clock to hit the notes, dun bother to cram all those words in ur brain humans. Seriously. Ain't working. Even u're like, "okeh i still have 3hrs to go before i snooze on my notes.. i still cn study now" heh! in tat 3 hrs.. i cn tell u guys that most of us only had 1/3 of the concentration n the rest.. ouh hell god noes where.. hahas. Am i ryte or am i ryte? hahaha Dun bluff laaa.

Soo.. lesson learnt, dun bother to try and cram all in ur brain in the last minute even u think u can. U'll ended up blank and would be staring at the paper looking lost n helpless like patrick starfish during the test humans.. Lmao. haha Ok MAYBE u cn try to squeeze in a point or two but no difference. :P

Next time.. study earlier.. Goooons.. *pointing to self too*

The class was half empty today.. not half full ah..[ dun get confuse humans]. The mood for studying was like "hell i dun bother n do my own stuff". yup. but manage to focus abit. At least an effort though. hahs [ effort eyh.. haha.. ] I dun think tommorow is going to be full again.. wth.. it will never be full.. hahaha. its funny when i think its funny... aiyoh.. ok i noe i'm full of nonsense..

omg...

yes mummy...

fyne...

ok my mum's like "nabilaaaaahh!!!! go to sleep now or tommorrow u'll be all grumpy and whining n complaing about u being tired! shut the computer now!!" but i'm still typing.. hehehe.. okok i think i gotta go.. sleep.. jeesh.. like kindergarten.. -.- "

~now the party won't start till i walk in...

Im proud of you sis

2010-01-11T20:32:00.003+08:00

O LEVEL RESULTS!! SHE PASSED AND IM PROUD OF HER!!!

To Athirah Syazana Bte Alias.. I'm proud of u for passing ur o level and able to make it to polytechnic. Jeesh.. u dunnoe how hapie i was for u. Worried sick the whole dae in school and anxious to noe wat ur results are. thanks to ur ppd is alwaes forever low.. [haha] i couldnt contact u.. but as soon as i stepped infront of ur house, got the news.. WEEE!!! veryveryvery hapie for u sis! I noe that ure able to make it so.. yea gud job :) HUGZ!!

i noe u humans would be wondering how many points she gt.. well.. for me to noe.. for u to find out :P haha.. its been quite a while since i'm this hapie for someone yea. well.. she is my childhood bestfriend till now. even she's my cuzzie, to me, she's my sis :) heee..

Ouh yea.. to my other best fren.. NURATIQAH DANISHA FERNANDES NG..[ nt her real name] haha.. i hope u'll get better alryte.. dun feel that all of ur dearest families n frens are gonna leave u.. we are here for u.. thru thick n thin. i bet shikin will. n so is ur brothers. :) so dun feel that way ok beb? love ya sooo much!!

SCHOOL WAS HEAVEN without those idiots in school.[ sorie for the language] even class was uneven and little, i cn see peace and prosperity.. [ -.- u think CNY ah?] yes ah! Ouh hell..

had forgotten that tmrw they'll be back.. damn it la... f*** them. i get to enjoy for a day.. pfft..

i hate it man..

~i'll be as blur as sotong but i aint stupid.

sleepy yet loads on my mind

2010-01-06T22:34:00.002+08:00

Had a tiring day and i'm damn sleepy but enable to rest myself on my comfy pillow. sadness... No i'm not crying. Just too much in my mind. [Ain't emo 24/7 ya noe.. well practically..]

ANW.. school's been.. "GREAT" especially with the "suprising" test dates popping up when u were just about to clear the holidae mode in the brain. hell..

It seems that me and my adoringly sweet sisters are facing much of a problems of our own. One after another.. It isnt a gud way to start off 2010 ya noe darlings.. but wat cn we do? I noe in my heart that each and everyone of us are strong enuf to combat this struggle that we are facing and i believe u gurls :) Take it one at a time alryte :)

*yaaaaaaawwwn*

I think.. i gt to hit the bed now.. damn my head is pounding. Like sumone hit me with a hammer. [Aiyoh!] kk.. nites humans..

~i noe where i stand in this society. i noe im not beautiful enuf to compete. But at least i appreciate watever i have n try my best to be someone positive..

Let alone take its time

2010-01-05T20:52:00.002+08:00

Ferst post of 2010.
Here it goes..

Wanita Cantik yg suka Menangis...

Seorang anak laki-laki kecil bertanya kepada ibunya 'Mengapa engkau menangis?' 'Kerana aku seorang wanita', kata sang ibu kepadanya. 'Aku tidak mengerti', kata anak itu. Ibunya hanya memeluknya dan berkata, 'Dan kau tak akan pernah mengerti' Kemudian anak laki-laki itu bertanya kepada ayahnya, 'Mengapa ibu suka menangis tanpa alasan?' 'Semua wanita menangis tanpa alasan', hanya itu yang dapat dikatakan oleh ayahnya. Anak laki-laki kecil itu pun lalu tumbuh menjadi seorang laki-laki dewasa, tetap ingin tahu mengapa wanita menangis. Akhirnya ia menghubungi Tuhan, dan ia bertanya, 'Tuhan, mengapa wanita begitu mudah menangis?' Allah berfirman:

Ketika Aku menciptakan seorang wanita, ia diharuskan untuk menjadi seorang yang istimewa. Aku membuat bahunya cukup kuat untuk menopang dunia; namun, harus cukup lembut untuk memberikan kenyamanan ' 'Aku memberikannya kekuatan dari dalam untuk mampu melahirkan anak dan menerima penolakan yang seringkali datang dari anak-anaknya ' 'Aku memberinya kekerasan untuk membuatnya tetap tegar ketika orang-orang lain menyerah, dan mengasuh keluarganya dengan penderitaan dan kelelahan tanpa mengeluh ' 'Aku memberinya kepekaan untuk mencintai anak-anaknya dalam setiap keadaan, bahkan ketika anaknya bersikap sangat menyakiti hatinya ' 'Aku memberinya kekuatan untuk mendukung suaminya dalam kegagalannya dan melengkapi dengan tulang rusuk suaminya untuk melindungi hatinya ' 'Aku memberinya kebijaksanaan untuk mengetahui bahwa seorang suami yang baik takkan pernah menyakiti isterinya, tetapi kadang menguji kekuatannya dan ketetapan hatinya untuk berada disisi suaminya tanpa ragu' 'Dan akhirnya, Aku memberinya air mata untuk dititiskan. Ini adalah khusus miliknya untuk digunakan bilapun ia perlukan.'

'Kau tahu: Kecantikan seorang wanita bukanlah dari pakaian yang dikenakannya, susuk yang ia tampilkan, atau bagaimana ia menyisir rambutnya.' 'Kecantikan seorang wanita harus dilihat dari matanya, kerana itulah pintu hatinya ' tempat dimana cinta itu ada.'

When humans have doubts to clarify, through verbal is best. When it's the only choice that u have, and it has been taken away, what else can u do? Probably cry ur hearts out was an another option for some. But what if even crying couldn't do much of a help, what else is there for u to do? Well, for muslims.. Pray that is.. and have much patience. I dunnoe bout other religons [its a complex thing].
For me as an individual that i am, i would prefer crying. [yea2.. emo crap. watever.] I will never say my tears are a waste. I love every tiny droplets formed from my eyes. It shows every burden, or i shall sae problem in my mind and heart has been let go and i will feel better. Crying isn't a crime. Coz it shows how that person isnt able to describe how difficult and challenging one's going thru until it could not be build up into words. Talking is cheap. Human beings are designed to talk. [God Almighty]. But sumtimes words that came out from a humans mouth isn't that pleasent for other humans to hear. It might hurt or discourage feelings or even trigger another humans temper.. Then it will be another problem building up on ur shoulder. Well, isnt that what humans do? Mistakes after mistakes. We can't run from them. Ryte? So, let me ask u. would u rather talk or cry? hmm?

Being said so, i just can't help myself not to cry when a human tat most of my frens noe [not really that close], said sumthin hurtful for me to hear todae. Though, i think that human didn't realise or have the heart to keep it's comments to itself. Say me sensitive i dun care. I find it rude. Even though "the truth hurts" like that human said.. I dun think other's hear it but god gave me ears and i can hear. I'm not deaf. it has mindset of a child rather then a young adult. I tried to centre myself after hearing it. Though sumhow i failed doing so.. [ my face tells it all] i kept myself quiet. I dun wan to make a fuss. I'll prove to that human wrong one dae.
Wait for it.

To add on, when a human doesn't appreciate another person's kindness and heart to care, is there such moment where that human need to give a hurtful statement stating otherwise? For me. NO. If that person has not hear the reason or clarify about "the odd attitude", giving such statement is bullpoop. Seriously. Think about it. Every actions has its reasons. Especially the finger is pointing at me. When TRUST is an issue u can resolve.
Hence, isn't that another reason for me to cry?

Hate me if u do. But whatever i've said is the truth. Say i'm sensative. But atleast i can feel emotions. Despise me when u look at me. Isn't every human is created by god?, and i'm one of His creation and i'm special in my own way. Backstabb me. But dun u noe? karma will work it's way around.

~i shall ignore. but patience has its limits.

Conclusion for 2009. welcoming 2010?

2009-12-31T20:20:00.004+08:00

A few more hours to 2010.. practically im stuck here [home] while others are at countdown parties or sumthin celebrating.. hmms. Not suprised eh. Well aniwae.. i still got to blog. yeay.. [dun expect me to be excited in a wae when i'm missin' all the fun out there.. sheesh..] ok shuddup.

2009 was an overwhelming year for me. yup. I've grown to be an individual where i myself dun expect it will happen. heh.. Event after event after event, occured in my life. Testing me. From the beginning of the year till ryte at this moment im typing this words. *head shaking*

My life in 2009 was actually a challenging year for me. summerising them into:

3 break-ups [yup u see it ryte],
joined ITE,
worst food poisoning i have ever had,
did a scary nite walk during madrasah camp thingy[ tat seriously challenged my iman man..],
got possesed after nite walk [ damn scary.. ],
lies [ diff types & ALOT.. sheesh],
[i'm gonna sae this in one breath], superdamnirritatingmotherfuckerbusterdsidotjerksassholesweettalkerbabiliarBOYS i've meet [mind my language sorie. heh],
stressful [lots of self thinking untill NOW],
managing anger [hell yea..]
money issues,
Low self-esteem [ im trying to figure things out kay..],
OKAE ALMOST FORGET ABOUT TWILIGHT!! [ waat.. my imaginations are better okeh when reading books.. so u humans go and read a book!].

Hmm.. i think thats all.. not sure if there's more but yup those are the major ones. soo..... ouhya.... i turned 18... hmm.. not much of a difference eyh.. u think i'm excited for 19? hell no. Getting older freaks me out, but who is able to stop ryte? Just have ta adapt then. Humans "have a piece of me" too in 2009. Met wonderfull frens in ITE. ATIQAH, SHIKIN, MIRAH, SHAI, MUZ, NISA, KAK PAH, SAFI, TRACY, STEFFI.. sorie if i missed out some names.. but theres a bunch of u guys that made my life wonderful in ITE. Thanks guys. :) Old frens are not to be forgotten.. MUSFIRAH, NAQEAH, ADILAH, HIDAYAH, AFIFAH, AISYAH, YASMIN, ZAWIYAH, NORIMAH, SUFEN, LYDIA.. sorie again if i missed out some of u.. these people who grew up with me in secondary school knew me inside n out. Never i will forget u guys. :)

Well lets close the chapter for 2009.. Let bygones be bygones.. [yea ryte...] gahah.. hopefully la..

I shall not make any resolutions this year.. coz i dun think i did complete my previous list.. haha. [as if u guys do..] OUH2!! PASS HIGHER NITEC!! ITS A MUST! lols.. I just hope watever comes in 2010, i will be able to go thru like how i did for 2009. I SURVIVED 2009!!! WOOO!! I'm actually excited for 2010.. i dunnoe.. but to me.. its sumthin that i want to noe n u to find out. haha! [ waaat.. got chance to meet "new ppl"[guys] waat..] *singing beyonce song* all the single ladies! 0.0 wth.. hahaha pinch me. :P BLUWEKS!

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!

~i seriously have to forget my past....bye 2009.. i miss u.. muah!

Dreaming bout him.. haaa.. SEZAIRI SEZALI & TAUFIK BATISAH!!! hot stuff

2009-12-29T20:46:00.002+08:00

SEZAIRI SEZAIRI SEZAIRI SEZARI SEZAIRI!!!!! ok shuddup... Hmm.. ok... NO I WONT!! SEZAIRI SEZAIRI SEZAIRI SEZAIRI!!!!

i dun care for how many times i want to sae his name.. i aint gonna be tired of it! na uh! haaaa... *dreamy eyes* hell.. i think.. i've fallen for him... [in malay.. jatuh gedebuk mcm nangke busok.. lol] BIG TIME! he's super cute thing la he.. awww... Its damn a gud thing he won!! wooo!!! and ouhmysweetvamp he's making me fall for him even more everytime he sings.. i tell ya.. even taufik is hot and all but sezairi is major cuter n sincere in singing.. *all dreamy again* actually he reminds me of someone i noe.. i think.. [maybe tats the reason.. hmm..] anw.. I JUST LOVE HIM SING! i wish he would sing for me.. [ eh hello.. tats like impossible -.-] nevertheless, i heart u sezairi.. *hand gestures* [ im like a typical crazy girl who cnt stop idolising a singer aren't i... -.- hmm thought so.. ] I dun care :) i like it :) hee hee

Ok i practically toss a pillow and shouted when he was announced the winner man! i told myself and my mum that..[singing] "i gotta a feelin' wooohoooo.. that tonite's gonna be a gud nite.. tat tonite's gonna be a gud gud nite.. feelin'... " Wooohooo and i was rite....! hehe.. i dunnoe why but when he started his vocals in the opening, i already noe whos the ultimate winner. not that sylvia's aint gud [she is gud] but my gut feeling already sae's its sezairi. Period. Damn i enjoyed the whole finale :D couldnt stop grinning infront of the teevee throughout all the performances that they had put up. Like i sae taufik is hot. *fanning myself* His moves are damn fiiiine.. But my sezairi [whoa "my" seh!!] is better laaa.. in a cuter way.. heehee.. [perasaan ni minah.] Ouhya!! i couldnt stop gawking at sezairi's specs.. damn they are cool!! he has many specs, no? i like his 1st performance when he sings virtual insanity and he puts on that half framed specs. he looks.. ouhmysweetvamp CUTE!! sumpah cute. even my mum said so. den when he sings 'crazy' im like.. "yea.. im crazy.. bout u laa seeeh... whoaa.. u melting me u noe..." yup. i said that. den the last song 'touched by an angel', it made me like so.. whoa like that.[wth does "whoaa.." mean -.-] i dunnoe how to describe. haha. ok i think i shuld stop babbling about him ryte.. ok. hmm. :D heeee..

~giving a second chance isnt tat bad. up to u to receive and cherish it.

soo random

2009-12-26T00:07:00.002+08:00

Heya.. Feelin' random so i decided to watch tis video tat many of u humans may have watched before. Laughed abit. haha. Its about how maly singaporeans are stereotyped. cute video.. but sum parts i disagree. i mean not in a serious maner la.. but wat really happens in the real life is totally different that wat the video says.. but overall its cute. :)

Ouh!! I forgot to tell u guys.. my auntie recently told me that she.. [hear tis..get ready for it.. get ready...] she has tickets for the SINGAPORE IDOL FINAL SHOWDOWN BETWEEN SEZAIRI AND SYLVIA!! yea!! and im not going...... pfft.. sadly my auntie has to bring my cuz[ her elder daughter 16 yrs] and her youngest daughter to the show coz she was crying when she heard she's not going.. hmm.. she's onlie 9 yrs. -.- ok nvm.. but another sad thing is.. she has ticket seats tat supports sylvia. on the other hand my cuz supports sezairi.. well.. she told me tat sezairi's fans are going to be wearing green while sylvia in white.. so she decided to wear both instead. hahaha. Green top white bottom. lols. Wat diff does it make.. *head shaking* Anw, i dunnoe who's gonna win the title tis sun but hopefully sezairi.. if its sylvia.. i dun mind too. Both are equally talented yea? ouh and i heard sezairi sang on radio last thursdae damn he was guuuud... made my hairs stand.. he sang sundae morning. Wish i recorded it.. or hear him sing live beside me. awww.. damn i love it! haha if i have A PROPER PHONE. [ ehem.. daddy.. new phone plis.. :D] i will make his voice as my wake up call/morning alarm.. so tat every morning i have sumone singing for me.. haaaa... izint tat sweet or wat?! haha.. [DREAM ON LAAA!!!!] *smack the head* hahaha.. berangan je.

I'm still having my headaches on and off. The 'on' button will be when im thinking too much of sumthin. It will turn 'off' when... when... hmm.. when ehs... [i didnt turn off did it... -.-] umm.. when... [even.. when i'm asleep it didnt..] when.. i think, when i got sumthin else that distracted me from thinking.. i think... sheesh. terok man. [u cn say tat again.. *smirks*]

My nenek sedare just came back from mecca [haj] last thursdae and the whole family turun padang at the airport to fetch her at Terminal 3. Booy.. there were phew! ALOOT of people there. yup. Got souviners too! hehe. i got this cool dress that has a hoodie at the back.. hahas cute. and my fav item.. INAI!!!! damn im gonna use it. hehe. nenek has a box of it and she gave me two inai. Thanks nenek and nek nah[ the one who went for haj]. :)

well.. i gt to sleep now.. its 12.40 am.. :) miss my frens!!! ok random.. but I REALLY MISS THEM!!!

~hmm. shud i go with the plan?

Fakin' it humans.. just fakin' it...

2009-12-21T19:16:00.003+08:00

*knocking head with fists*

Damn it casual headaches are killing me. I dunnoe wats wrong with me. aaargghh..

When i sae i was super happie for two daes straight, will u humans buy it from me? hmm.. NAAH.. im guessing nope. My humans won't believe i CAN be hapie for two daes straight. I'm emo ryte.. hahs *smirks*

Sadly i did.. fakingly happie for two daes. Yesterday and todae. Wow.. wat an achievement huh.. puh-leaseee. hahs. Cheerfullness has possesed me all of a sudden. Optimism was suddenly over-powering me.. MyGOOOOSH.. Smiling and singing merrily like a mad women from IMH. Plus dun forget i talked to myself alot too. Speaking of mad huh. Wondered why the guards or the doctors at IMH didn't noticed that one of their patient wondered off alone. hmm.. must be the techniques i learnt from Mas Slamat worked. Ha ha! *grins*

K LAME. -.-

Was sooo enthusiastic for the picnic yesterday with my family. Nenek & Auntie was suprised when i sae i wanted to play withe sea water and sand. haha.. Dunnoe wat got into me. Really.

I changed to my 3/4 shorts den head off to the beach. whoa.. like no childhood sia. ok i did have one okeh but this one was a different case . -.- [ok watever.] after getting myself drenched knee down[ and butt too.. urgh! ], played sand castle with little nephew MIKAIL & all sticky.. i washed up at around 6pm den my whole family headed to Beach Road for dinner.. yummm..

Had Nasi Goreng with Ikan Asin [omg heaven sia!] and Bandung blend [which look extremely tempting and ouhso delicious with whip cream on top.... HEAVEN !!!!] yea.. sedaaap. hahaha.

I practically was dancing la when i get my food and drink.. Especially my drink.. When my uncles and aunties saw wat i orderd.. they were like "WHOAAAA... SAPE PUNYE TUUU.." i just smiled and [ i can sae my eyes did sparkled ] danced... yea.. i was busy dancing to notice if anyone else noticing me dancing. hahaha. Waaaat im hapie to eat u noe.. see la my body :D heee heee..

Den todae.. i was so eager to noe about the Survior winner. Waited and waited for 3pm for tat show. AND natalie won! [Thank god that russell didn't. shhessh. that idiot. hate him sia.] ouhya.. Brett was damn f-ing cute.. heees.. too bad he didn't wont the last immunity challange.. i guess he's the one who could be winning the ONE MILLION DOLLAR in his hands, if that patung didnt drop off tat pole. wasted man..

While waiting for tat show.. i sang.. [yeap again.. see my true madness red handed] as loud as my vocal cords could handle. haha.. I was singing to Future Love by Kristina Debrage, I Wanted You by Ina, Broken Hearted Girl by Beyonce, S.O.S by Jordan Sparks, Tick Tock by Keisha, War by Jay Sean and Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson.

EMO.

hahas.. but sumhow i was hapie.. like i told u humans... i'm sick in the head.

To a fren.. I'm just gonna act normal. yup. tats pretty much im gonna sae to u. :)

~in couple of years im gonna noe ur name.. my future love.. aha...

uhh yess

2009-12-19T21:23:00.001+08:00

i'm just speechless towards someone's action and mindset. Grow up. hmm..

Headache

2009-12-18T22:31:00.002+08:00

I'm not really in the mood to blog really. Thanks to a "masalah problem" that i'm facing. haiz.. Major headache humans.. Feel like knocking my head against the wall.
And that "masalah problem" isnt mine. Its sumone elses.. so dun think that im problematic everytime i post something in my blog. Ok thanks for understanding.

All i want now is a real vacation where no one will be able to disturb me. Add a vampire beside me will do, thanks. :D or better.. JACOB. *grins*

Cooked spaghetti myself todae for dinner. Im proud of myself. Yeay me! =) But chef a.k.a my mum, sae it cn be improved. And i will. Mother-in- law will be soo proud of me.. heee. OK IM NT ATTACHED IM JUST SAYING OK HUMANS.. THOSE GIRLS DUNNOW HOW TO COOK, THEY SHOULD. NO USE MARRYING IF U DUNNOE HOW TO COOK EVEN RICE! HELLO! STAPLE FOOD!!! ok so dun gt me wrong :)

~not giving up n i'll prove it

uhhh ok i guess

2009-12-16T23:06:00.003+08:00

im sick after watch new moon with cuzzins yesterdae. Yeap u heard me. Just watched the movie. Im down with flu ryte at the moment n im not liking it one bit. Sneezing and sneezing till my nose hurts. and.. *look at mirror* i swear i look like a raindeer. -.- omg... tis sucks...

*sniffing* i cnt even smell.. GREAT.

ouhya.. received many2 pics of bbq frm peeps. i cn sae my face suckz to the core whenever i see my face candid. hah. ok. one some my face ok. i dun care a shit uh.

supposedly ive changed my blogskin toda but seeing all the skins.. its nt tat get me interested with their functions and all. u noe me. alwaes go for the too much stuff in the blog. hah. i like tat kind.

ok i couldnt stand ani longer. my head is spinning like a top. i think the bed is calling me. so cherio..

~confused and i dun bother attitude

Pardon u.. Queen..

2009-12-13T21:16:00.004+08:00

Grown ups are just messed up. Frankly and sadly, they are.

Remember how they used to teach u when u were in kindergarten, how to respect others nomatter how old or young they are? Bottom line is u RESPECT others. Am i ryte? Well the grown ups seemed to forget the rules themselves i might sae. Sadly..

To me, what i think is fair [ even heard from waht others sae ] that if grown ups respect u, u will respect them exactly how they do the same to u. correct me if im wrong humans. well.. sadly i dun get that way.. sheesh.. yup watever i do is obviously wrong n yea im rude. im ur DAUGHTER. unless...

watever im over it now. Used to this in my 18 yrs on earth.

anw Bbq with the whole class was enjoyable. FYI its my ferst time. yea.. OMG ryte... Believe it. 18 yrs. Jeesh.. sadness... went home at 10pm n was given a ride home frm my uncle. Thankiew! i dun have a clue to get home frm east coast since the bus that's gg in that route is nt available during weekdays. Such a spoilt brat i am. *head shaking*

Woke up this morning n guess wat.. Headed to the GYM. YES GYM. My dad dragged me there thank u very much. I CNT DENY THAT I WAS EMBARESSED THE WHOLE TIME THERE COZ ALOT OF OUH SO CUTE GUYS WORKING OUT LA! [taylor!! taylor!! are u there?!?!? haha] aiyoh... my dad semangat. i cycled for 20mins, do the leg thingy for 2 mins and on the tredmill and ran for 1km which like 10mins. yup n nw my leg hurts. -.- i wonder when will he do a suprise GYM DAY OUT again.. haha. weird.

To my dearest friend atiqah. Watever happens to u.. im here alryte? Any doubts, i cn help u to clarify. :) Everything is going to be alryte. Humans cnt run from mistakes. Mistakes are done so that we cn learn. After learning, we will try our best to not to repeat it thus makes u more mature in ur thinking. :) so patience is the key gurl. trsust me. If things get out of hand, try and suprise tat prsn. im sure a smile will be carved. love u girl :)

~ryte or wrong decision?

Throw me into oblivion

2009-12-06T23:36:00.003+08:00

Staring infinitely while waiting for the world to pass by. The blood thumping in my head continues on even when i close my eyes to relax. A baaaadd headache. Tried shaking it off but it got worse. GREAT. Ouh for heavens sakes i dun bother 'bout it animore and force my eye lits to open. At that point i thought i was going to faint but i caught hold of myself and i'm fyne.

I'm thinking too much.AGAIN.
Sumtimes i wish im in oblivion so that things will be much easier. But nothing in this world is easy. TRUST ME. If u dunnoe whats the meaning of difficulties den ure nt human. Hahas. To me ure not human.
The stress is so making me insane. Can i just hit my head on the wall?

Went to the Pasir Ris beach tis morning till late afternoon. Boy the wind was so strong and i could sae that felt as if i was a mad women walking the whole time, coz my loooong hair flew all over the place. Unsightly.
It was supposed to rain but i think lady luck was on our side it didn't. Out of "many other" beach in singapore i went to that particular one. Omg i was cussing all the time. That place is my restricted area in the east. But wat to do my family wanted there coz its near to our home. I concreted my face n act as if nothing happens. No hell way im gg there often. Fcuk!

Ouh yea. went to job interview and volunteering yesterday. Jetquay airport interview was ok luh though the i still have to consider about that job. Many criteria uh to simplify it. Den after that shifa, me, atiqah, nisa and rizal went to vivo for the volunteer thing. Showed up and help abiiit.. den thats it. Omg we ate alot of fishballs during the refreshment for the voluteers. haha n i can sae im sick of fishballs nw. so far so gud and brought home goodie bag. hah. PATHETIC.
But had fun in a wae. :)

me n nisa at vivo

~sipped poison but i didnt die

I'm in my "Frens" only attitude

2009-12-02T19:30:00.004+08:00

Note: to anione who "kena" the trick from my previous post, i juz wanna sae.. HA HA HA. ok done. :D *look at atiqah* heeee..

So.. todae was.. alryte. yea just alryte. Gone crazy during housekeeping period with atiqah talking in indonesian dialect while me and shikin recorded EVERYTHING what she sae without her noeing.. LOLs damn funny la. Rojak all out. hahha. i shall listen to the recording whenever im bored and have a nice laugh. thanks atiqah. haha. :D

Went to school this morning receiving an "alarming" morning msgs, [geez.. its been a "looooong" tyme since i had one.. missed it actually.. haiz..] from a fren of mine. Actually nt 'a fren' but 2 frens. Stonning all the wae from tampines station till clementi with my headphones on and texting all the wae.. after one another. I was going to sae gimme-a-break-and-let-me-stonne phrase to them but to think back.. I whine when i gt noone to text, i also whine when ppl text me.. Hello minah slenge wat do u want???? ok so i jus keep on texting. haha. i find that they are nice ppl. yea. [should i sae more or.. jus.. ok nvm]
*still thinking about the msgs*
*talking to self* hmm.. still so early.. nah.. ok i shall still make frens though. Being frens isn't wrong. Its better actually. Hmmm.. yup. Agree with my alter ego too. If i want to fall flat on my face again for love.. later cn uh.. now.. frens.. anw its still hard for me now. so I'm enjoying the moment :) TRYING TO.. hahs..

Omg almost forget. Gt another chikoppek this morning at the busstop at my house. He turned 360 degrees just to look at me up and down.. Excuse me he's a man n i think has kids already and has a pot belly. yiiiieeessshhh. I freaked out la practically. Look at me not once but three times la and he made me miss 2 busses just to avoid him.. thanks alot mister! Fcuk! Whats wrong with all these people?! At home unable to see enuf "melons" izit?? oooohhh... i noe... at home only have expired "melons" thats why ryte... BUT THAT DUN MEAN CAN SEE FRESH ONES WAT!.. i mean mine.. STILL U DUN NEED TO WAAAT.. if want u ask ur homemaker to add sillicon to her "melons" la den everyday her "melons" "fresh" wat. Can see untill eyes popped out oso. @#!@$$!@#^ shheeeesh.

ok i'm like watching s'pore idol n blogging at the same time.. awww seziari is sumwhat cute.. heee. :P

Below is a picture taken during dram production day.. the rehersals.. eh.. i realised most photos gt no pic of me... :( sedih per. i tot have.. if have ppl cn i have it?? plishhh.. kenangan sehhh...

~I cnt control watever's happening but i still hold to my perception thanks.

I think i need therapy. Im going CUCKOOO

2009-11-30T22:19:00.004+08:00

Boy ouh boy.. *looking at mirror*
I seriously need therapy.. Wat in the world am i talking to my reflection?? [Skali that thing really2 talk back den u noe.. hmm. Terkejot berok nnt..] I've been talking to myself all these while behind close doors. hah like as if u guys never see me talking to myself in class.. Ryte shikin.. hehs..
I'm uber stressed out by own probs that made me go ouhlala madness.. Trust me its ugly. hahas! ok diam.

When people sae sumthin cliche about me, all i cn do is smile, nod and say OK. or worst case scenario.. battle with me in the game of words. Geez... in the end u'll see who will win.
I'm leading life in gear one now. Slow but not bad pace. Eh rather then i dun move at all kn.. Gear one is ok for me now. Like vespa sia. hahah..tuktuktuktuktutuk... *make head action* hahahhah...

Eh eh.. u reading this post ryte... wait ah.. u come closer.. closer... COME CLOSE LAAA.. bnyk songeh lak.. ok.. now dun look back.. dun try to peak.. coz.. u will feel sumthin gonna touch u on ur shoulder.. That thing is coming closer.. dun turn la u idiot.. ok now that thing behind u already.. dare to turn?

*SMACK SMACK SMACK ON THE HEAD* bodoh who ask u to listen to wat i sae.. hahaha.. BLUWEKS!! :P

ok so i have pics taken at KARCHER ACADAMY. hehe sorie eh.. im sod. told u i have to go therapy.. soon.. haha.

eye bags galore..

~when i'm ready.. im gonna shoot.

A burnt arrow thru the heart n the brain.. eeee

2009-11-26T22:47:00.004+08:00

See that smile. Hope it will be alwaes permenant... but sadly no. hmms..

Anw, my eyes are giving signals that i should be off to bed but i stayed on to blog. I have to talk in one wae or another ryte..

When one thing led to another [fav phrase], just as my heart is healing in tiny baby steps, another blow off happen. Wooww. -.- Speed bump all of a sudden.

When the old come rolling back to u, i just can't help but to think it thru. The pain of the new have not been cured, nor being hurt of any sort. How am i supposed to put this.. I need time.

Cinta cannot be bought.

Cinta cannot be analised.

Cinta cannot be trophied or prized.

But.. i think..

Cinta can be understood.

Cinta can be sweet.

Cinta can be compiled into many memories.

ryte?..

Everydae i can feel that an arrow with fire went in my heart. Diamonds do fall but prevented it. But when i explain all of these to u humans.. will u understand? yet its difficult to understand. Cinta shouldn't be rushing.. n this is wat u get for rushing into love *points at self*

Being negative wont help in anywaes.. so wat can i do.. it happens..

think about it.

went to KARCHER with class todae. One werd to sae. BORING. *yaaawns* but ok luh. haha. ok no more updates.

~slow and steady

Credits. Confuse. Pry.

2009-11-22T19:30:00.002+08:00

Production's over and i'm glad it did. hahs. tired. I think everyone did a gud job even thogh someone said that we can do better. We tried our best on our performance and i sae im gonna miss u guys coz drama's over.. haiz.. Oysterboy cast was great and silent cry cast was great too.. wat am i going to do on saturdaes after this? omg. rotting is a bad option. hmm.. anw i shud have pictures to show u guys.. but i'll get soon and upload it kays.. OUH OUH! THANK YOU SHIKIN & TRACY FOR THOSE ROSES!! SO SWEET OF YOU GUYS!!!! OMG *tear falling*
MISS MY DRAMA FRENS!! am i ryte atiqah. :)

Here we go again.
Run while u can! She's gonna Blow!! Get ready!!
[ if u want to read my blabbers about hardship go on, if not.. see the 'x' button? click that.]
After drama yesterdae i got this sadness in me that i couldnt explain why. seriously. i dunnoe if its because my frens that i invite [my sec sch frens] didnt turn up or sumone who is supposed to be there when i need is not there. i dunnoe. its either. Plus one of my frens in drama told me sumthin that i wish it will not happen at all. NOT HAPPEN OK PLEASE. be strong pliz. Everybody loves u including me. Dun u dare sae to that sumone abt this. I can tell that sumone is gonna be hurt. trust me. Was feeling all crappy all the wae home frm drama. Blasted accidentally at home. den talked to a fren of mine. pity he gt to put up with me during my explosions. sorie yea. I was going down the drain practically and literally. sheesh. will this ever be over..
*daughtry song its not over*
man.. im tired. confused. n crappy.

STOP BEING EMO AND WHINNING LAAA!

~im just a normal girl with alot of flaws.

roses but with throns

2009-11-20T21:56:00.003+08:00

[Roses are beautiful to look at. Nice to smell and pretty in every girls' hands. But dun ever think that beautiful thing is harmless. Try touching the thorns of that beautiful thing.. Feel the pain the thorns hurt u.. that's what i am & i'm nt afraid to sae it.]

See me emo is so the F-ing boring huh. [as if when im hapie u guys read my posts u'll be un-bored.. hahs! LIKE REAL] Anw.. i wish i cn 'refresh' my brain. It hurts la thinking too much. Dunwan it to xplode. Still love my brain. [wat crap]
*yaaaawwwnnns*
Drama production will be happening tmrw. Omg. Tmrw. i dunnoe if i'm ready. WTH. Like i even bother uh.. Just nervous i guess. thats it. I'll be out the whole dae and i will assure u that im gonna be shag after reaching home tmrw. Oysterboy is ready for tmrw. but im still uncertain about silent cry. Ppl are just nt werking together. I hope everything gonna be alryte.. plis oh plis..

'Half-way' through my madrasah project which im nt supposed to be doing at this point coz i shud already completed it a few weeks ago but thanks to the one resposible nt responsible enuf to keep the project properly, i have to re-do it again. sheesh.

I dunnoe if my weight problem is ever to go away even though i have to be positive about this. Geee.. so much for being positive. Why am i fat at the ferst place... [wat a stupid question nurul.. ]

~Bruised and battered by ur words dazed n shatter now it hurts.

appreciate with wat u have

2009-11-19T20:05:00.003+08:00

When i see ppl leaving sumone they used to love, i would ask myself this question " what? need love den find. got love dun appreciate. " is there such things? well i shall ans that. yes.

Gurls gurls gurls.. i dun mean to be sarcastic or watever shit la ok.. just please for one time, appreciate with what u have with u. if u have a bf that loves u, dun let it go to waste. its damn hard to find love okeh. if u have a nice body or features, dun whine saying that my this is big my this is small my eyes sengetla my hair like shit la.. I GIVE U ONE THIGHT SLAP ON THE FACE then u noe.

Dun try to teach me how to not understand imperfection. I grew up with that excuse me. But on the other hand, having all that without a gud attitude no point. Have nice face, nice body, nice hair, nice all over, but then ur attitude like shit for what?! [mak mertua pun cancel lah seh] so.. be proper. Love urself ferst before loving others. I'm learning bit by bit and i noe i still have a loooooong wae to go.. so STOP whining for goodness sake!

Ouhya. got to tell u this. This morning when i'm in thetrain otw to skul, got this one pakistani chikopek sitting beside me looking at my girls. The most stupid person i've ever met. He practically bent over to see.. BODOH wat?! Obviously i noe u looking at wat la..! summore i noela my skirt has a slit. den dunneed to see my leg la idot! my leg not even nice la! [perangai anj seh] he gt off at dover station still gt thecheek to smile at me. F u!! *i show middle finger* i tell u tat is one stupid chikopek.

Saturdae coming and im 70% ready i guess.. drama!!! omg! i hope i didnt forget my lines.. i see my frens i went blank. aiyoyoh.. ok relax.. *breathe in n out*

to all drama peeps.. GUD LUCK N SEE U ON SAT!!

~nomatter wat im still hurt inside..

inferiority complex

2009-11-15T21:36:00.002+08:00

looks was alwaes the cause of my misery. [jeesh i dun even noe i had misery.. -.-] food IS STILL my weakness. what can i sae... grown up with all these complications in my life that i have to endure the consequences.. judging people with the way they look just sucks to the core. EVEN TO MYSELF. Having inferiorty complex is.. a sickness i guess.. i dun noe uh!!

People just dun understand that it hurts alot when people critisize u by the look. Especially guys. They will sae " wats ur weight?" if i were to tell.. just for the sake of having sumone to talk to, they will sae i dunmind etc etc.. but once they saw the real person.. I DUN BOTHER TO TALK NOR EVEN KNOW YOU. see how harsh guys are. i dunwan to state names but it happens to me. ME. since when girls with barbie like figures are alwaes perfect? and since when girls with teddy bear like figures are alwaes imperfect? HEY ANSWER ME!!! DO PEOPLE HAVE TO CLASSIFY ALL THESE IN THIS WORLD?! HUH?! i hate these people.. :'(

let me have my own world back. ok. if i be skinny as a stick, will u look at me from my heart or my skinny stick body. huh! eh come on la.. people! humans!

when people seems to have all perfect.. they dun appreciate. eh walk in my shoes la ei!! i will be glad to let u welcum u to my life n see how hard it is to be me. damn it!

im just overwhelemed k..

[why did i ever bother to have a blog at the first place anw.. shhheeessh]

~being thin is alwaes the trophy

a NITEMARE in both worlds

2009-11-15T20:12:00.002+08:00

What will you do if someone that u least expected did the unexpected or sae the unexpected? Will u expect it? Not me though.
Ok i can see ur confuse faces. 0.O *laughing like mad*
Translation.. do u even think that sumone that u dun wish care about would tell u sumthin out of this world and shock u like hell? n i mean A PERSON U REALLY DUN WISH TO CARE.. until i have a bad dream yesterday.. sheesh..
yea.. i gt the jiggles..

it seems harsh in a way and i apologize. i dun mean to be mean. seriously. but... i dun even know how to put it into words when i gt to noe abt this confession. kept myself composed and just go with it. seriously dude.. sumhw i couldnt. ouhya u dun need to buy me those stuff from cairo.. i was really joking. i shouldn't have mention my status now to anyone in person man.. *regrets*
it just slipped out my throat. I really was feeling uncomfortable u get sooooooo close to me at food culture.. plis.. dun do this to me or anione else especially girls.. plis.. i'll be ur fren yes.. but u have to know ur limits.. if i dun like it, i'll sae it or simply show it. seriously i dunwan anything from cairo. SERIOUSLY. just give my frens a nice gift will do. n... my dad is not ur father-in-law. dun even think about it. ouh on the other hand, thanks for the compliment.. sincerely appreciated. *not joking face*
ok this plot ends here.

My head hurts as if a granite rock hit me on the head. I got alot of things to do n think about. i will be so damn bz next week which is tmrw.. gezz..

Mondae im having my role play test. [ i haven't even completed my script]
Tuesdae i think im gonna finish up my video edits n madrasah project [3 scence haven't completed]
Wednesdae is gg to be a long day [drama rehersals till 10pm after school]
Thursdae study for madrasah test on sunday n writing in buisness for fridae [i dun even noe how am i gg to squezze in all of that]
Fridae hopefully a rest dae but have to memorise my final role in oysterboy drama on saturdae [nervous]
Saturdae wholedae dedicated for drama production till 10pm [ im gonna be half dead by then]
Sundae my madrash test which i think im gonna screw up and to hand in project [ masyallah only god noes]
OUH n MUST COMPLETE YOG MODULE BEFORE 28 NOV IF NOT WE ARE OUT OF THAT VOLUNTEER THINGY.

bz bz bz.. haish.. peservere..

i think im gonna be ok.. i hope..

~let me rest my thoughts for a while

How can i put this..

2009-11-11T18:48:00.003+08:00

Dreaming in class.. Not paying attention.. Blur.. lazy for school.. Dun bother wth is happening around u.. Listening to those kind of songs that made u sigh.. A typical kind of what-happens-after-a-brakeup huh..

Thought so..

Maybe some of u will think that i'm supposed to "forbid" myself in doing as such at this point of time.. Yeah.. I'm supposed to. But.. its kinda complicated if u were in my shoes.. U want to noe why.. coz everywhere i go or anithin i do.. there's this sudden flashback when i see certain places, things or watever.. imagine how hard it is for me.. only god noes.. plus.. seeing my frens buying gifts for their lovedones is kinda.. made me feel so.. alone n left out sumtimes.. well, i gotta thoughen up myself n acted as if i see nothing. I'm hapie for them anyway. sincerely :)

My mind is still puzzled with "Q&A" that bothers me throughout my dae. Nt to mention.. EVERYDAY. But i acted as if im all fyne. Smiled when i have to. Laughed when i need to. Sumtimes i admit, i couldnt help myself but shed a tear or two, thinking. Not whinning but tis IS wat happen to me NOW. I'm sure most have gone thru tis.. ryte?

I apologise to my frens if this "Emotional stress" that im going thru irritate u guys. I hope this will be over soon. okay. sorie.. :(

A song sumhw relates that i would like u guys to listen.. i hope u do.. n i shud highlight one part in the song says.. "..but sumthings a girl can never forget.." which i find it true..

~mending i guess..

Proven. yet it's happening.

2009-11-08T21:09:00.003+08:00

I ever wondered if i could wish my sleep will never end. Having to see the world hurts me bad. Hiding behind the darkness was what i wished to do. So afraid to see the world. Yet its true. The wonders of it doesn't seems to relate animore. As if i would get hurt again. Getting myself broken was enough poison for me to swallow.

Waking up everydae was a burden on my shoulders that i could barely lift. Otherwise, sleeping was a misery to my mind as slideshows playing in a swift. How could i handle this..
It's bringing me six feet down.. And im ain't getting any higher.. trust me now..

Head spinning.. Mind bursting.. I wonder if anione would ever care..

Sitting alone on the park bench looking down at the tiny box i have in my hands..
I will never forget.
I noe what's in the box.

Tears came down like tiny diamonds on my cheek. Drip drop it fell down onto the box everytime i winked. Swept the diamonds off my cheek like precious no more..
Closed my eyes, breathing in and held my breath and slowly letting it go..
I opened the box up.
My pulse suddenly slowed down as if my tyme has come. Seeing wat's in the box i just couldn't contain myself. What a diamond at ferst is now seen like poison.. Swelling up my eyes as the river flows.. When will it stop.. noone noes..

Every piece i see inside hurts me a million times the shatter.. God.. u dunnoe hw it feels..
Closed the box and hugged it tight..
All i could whisper was.. "Save me.. it hurts so bad.."

Got on my feet and drag myself through the dae.. i wonder if the other felt the pain..
Noeing the answer i shook my head.. "i dun think he even bother if i wasn't in bed.."

Aimlessly heading to god noes where.. my tears and sorrows ain't going nowhere..

"Please god.. help nurul.. i'm fighting this battle with watever i cn.. do i have a choice to fight? i guess not.. please.. im weak now.. my mind is not here... please.. bring me back to life.. "

............................

I'm want to relate sumthing nw to todae's Berita Harian paper.. To-be-Bride was overwhelemed by the to-be-Groom broke of marrige at the last minuite.. this just isnt fair.. who is the one to balame.. the womens side.. as alwaes.. men doesnt bother.. i pitty all the gurls.. their future suddenly went to a total darkness.. haiz..

~why did i ever rendered my heart to u...

the story of my heart....

2009-11-06T16:27:00.003+08:00

As i saw that person walking away.. not even turning back to catch a glimpse of me.. I could see my heart went out of me n got crushed infront of my naked eye just like that. It hurts to see it. Coz its my HEART. My LIFE. My SOUL. Though its useless to cry a thousand tears when u noe u wont get it back.. I couldnt bare to continue looking at it in pieces.. Its in pieces.. My heart in THOUSANDS OF PIECES..

I fell down on my knees n picked up each one of it with shaky hands n placed it in my palm.. crying every tear as i picked it up one by one and looking at it..

I swept a tear on my cheek n quickly picking it up before the wind blows it away.. If it does.. my heart wouldnt be complete, it will be awkward with holes around it..
A crooked heart..

It wouldnt even be beating like a usual heart..

Imagine having to see a frankenstein heart with holes in a body of an ordinary gurl...
By then.. it wouldnt be ordinary animore does it?

Got up on my feet after gathering everything in my hands.. even tiny pieces.. and kept it in a tiny box. It felt so heavy. Nomatter what.. Holding it firmly and secure, huging it thightly as if someone wants to steal my treasure. Tears are still running down my cheeks like a river. I closed my eyes n said my prayers, n told myself that i have to start moving.

With my shaking body, as i stride my way, it started to rain.. Heavy droplets of water hitting on me i can feel the pain. The rain got heavier and heavier as i stride. It handcuffed both my legs to the ground even i try to escape. Covering and sheltering the box filled with pieces of my broken heart with whatever i can, hoping barely able to get it more damaged. Broken words coming out of me.. a whisper..
"i'll protect u.. i will never leave u.. u'll have my word" thats wat i said.

Struggling in the rain which seems for daes as i drag myself foward.. Giving up was once an option. With body freezing as cold as ice.. the only thing thats on my mind was to keep whats in this box safe.

By then, i could hear myself screeming n shouting a silent cry in the rain that noone was able to hear..

Hopeless..

I stopped and asked myself questions that only myself could answer..

Will i get thru?

Will this heart be okae?

Will i be okae?

How my future would be like?

Will i get out in this heavy rain and get myself dry?

Is there any chance i could survive?

Will i not shed another tear?

Will i finally see myself smiling back again?

With what's only in my blank mind, i said..
"Only time tells it all... wat the future brings.. i could not control.. What i have in my hands, i will save it as much i can.. but for now.. i try not struggle thru this hardship and hoping to forget watever has happened.. please dear god.. hear my cry.."

and there she goes....

~if u were in my shoes.. will this be likely like u?

me n u.. only memories

2009-11-05T11:47:00.002+08:00

i shall nt blame anione for wat has just happen. its up to god. it will be onli memories between me n him. i still be frens. yes. but.. complicated.. my heart will be mended in awhile :) insyaallah god bless...

thanx to my frens, mum, mdm saadiah especially for all the hopes n advices u gave me.. thank u very much!!!

Shikin's BURFDAE!!

2009-10-22T20:50:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday to NURASHIKIN BTE ISMAIL!!!

Todae marks the dae that gurl turn 18. ooouuuuwww.. 18.. i wonder wats legal.. heheh.. joking :P

Juz specify her as bandung.. hehehehehe jgn marah shikin... :P Waaa anak mak da besar uh.. [duh da besar -.-] kae2.. nurul nk wish that u will have a gud life ahead of u and may u last long with ur bf.. amin... ouhouh.. i hope u like wat we did for u in class juz now.. waa shawal sang for u sey ouh nt forgeting our shafiq, imran and rashid sportingly joined in the performance for shikin.. they sang MJ song . AWWWW... den tis gurl keep crying... of happiness.. heheh.. glad that ure hapie :D

Nw is only the 2nd week of school n guess wat.. tmrw is already my test. GREAT. my service excellence test. Units 1&2.. summore more projects comming up n im having headache! urghh!!!.. the most important is.. i dun get enuf sleep liao!!... soo sleepy these daes u noe... [whine and whine onli tis gurl... ]

ok i HAVE to go nw.. need to study.. geez.. so u guys :) taaa

~u make me so hot, make me wanna drop, ure so ridiculous i can't barely stop...

had fun with my superman!!

2009-10-18T09:13:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SUPERMAN!!!

todae its his birthdae.. 18 october. i celebrated his birthdae yesterdae.. the whole dae!! :) went to E!Hub for a movie, food and spending time us alone :)

He was shocked as i gave him his prezzie. hehe..[the look that i was expecting :D] he doesn't noe the whole time i had his prezzie with me in my bag. Thats why i bring big bag la dy.. haha..

I bought him a famous amous heart shaped cookie and black with collar cotton on shirt. haha.. he seems to like it i guess :P and he gave me a necklace and bracelet. i wish i could take a picture of the necklace coz its so pretty!! too bad.. my phone no cammie.. -.- it has the letter 'Y' as the pendant representing his name. hehe.

ouh ya! watched sorority row yesterdae.. the movie was gud. umm but i shud sae that i have too much violence, blood, nudity and me getting shocked. hahaha but overall it was gud. :)

Thanks dy for everything!!!!!

ok i gtg now. Ouh bdw, ppl gt skul tmrw.. booooooo!! !@#!#@$#@$@#

~nothing could ever change my love for u..

Wayang kulit at Opera theater

2009-10-15T19:51:00.003+08:00

Go figure about my title in this post. HA.
Ok lets start. On this very day, i would like to tell all humans that when ure reading in my tk seberape blog, that i super want my ite life to be over n carry on with wat i love.. fashion designing. Omg U DUNNOE HOW MUCH I WANT THAT. *prays* [if humans sae that im sensitive.. be it, i dun give a damn] This is simply because, im had enuf with the chaotic situation that i'm having ryte now. Be it at home and school.. ITS THE SAME. i cn go gila... *curse & swear*
Home wise.. more of umm unhappiness between adults that i shall nt mention. Its nt my parents. School wise... umm.. like i sae.. go figure my title. Wat i noe now is, i want to do well in school, get a gud cert, get the hell out of ite. Sumtimes it hurts to noe the truth. As far as i noe.. i try my best to stay OUT of TROUBLE n TELL me wat i did wrong. Some humans are just testing my patience. Dun even bother assume anione here okeh. Dun be prejudice with wat u had just read. As long as humans dun bother me or cross over the line i still can consider humans is still safe. OR ELSE my hell is waiting.....
ok i shall end this.

As long as my makeup is in my hands.. i will go to school as hw i look, "normal" to u.

Entreprenuership class was actually interesting in my point of view though there's some this and that.. i dun CARE. i hope to do well in this term. plz god. plz. *prays hard*

To mirah, hahas i love ur spider present sooooo much! thanks tau! :) i will wear it soon. [though i'm scared of the real spider. hw ironic.]

~only YOU that i will have..

Raya with HC! and my cuzzies

2009-10-14T20:08:00.013+08:00

HARI RAYA LAAA..

Jannah & me

Athirah & me [nice face -.-]

Tangkap jambu je....

stop it..

ade lagi...

okeh2.. i'm wearing tudung.. urgh!

the 3 of us cuzzens [ actually all wear specs..]

ok nabilah mepek ehk..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RAYA WITH HC!!!

Shai yang cute :)

intro shikin!

ai.. penat ke bang oi.. hehe :P

the pretty gurls.. :)

taking a nap

the red man.. i dunnoe...

sufiyan, rohaizat, amirul, shafiq

green gurl, anisa,mirah,shai,me,shikin

grp photo under atiqah's blk

in atiqah's house

waa.. abg2 shafiq ah... :P

celebrity mane ntah ni.. hahas

me and shafiq

atiqah hand, shikin and shafiq LOL

sumpah mira n shai lawa in tis pic

cute per sufiyan hapie.. ahah

3 dara laa.

intro shifa in pink!

alala.. cute per.. hahaha

fiq.. minum glass yg ke brape tuu ... :D

air lagi..

AIR LAGI...

ruhaizad

amirul and sufiayan

hafiz uat ape tuu..

sweet couple :)

wat the hell am i doing...

sdp per!! yumyum :)

shafiq muke stop it .. makan tuu maintain ehk umah org...

1 2 3 pose..

mdm saadiah!!

photo of the boys with mdm saadiah :)

photo of gurl with mdm saadiah :)

mdm saadiah cute ehk hehhe.. i love her !!

heeee :)

cute uh.. :)

mirah mirah mirah!!!

my fwens laaa :)

yeee... i noe u..

edit2 uh..

ok gmbr da bnyk..

shikin n shafiq..

ok THE END!

Roses, daisies & sunshine

2009-10-14T19:09:00.002+08:00

I received a bunch of roses that took my breath away;
I put them in a vas and stare at them all day.
But one day the rose petals turns black;
"hey.. i loved you.." i said to them back.
"what can i do, i can't fix you..";
"but do you know that used to admire you?".

As sweet as sugar;
As white as the clouds.
Daisy u are the cutest flower;
i have no doubts.

Bright rays of light shining down to me;
Brightens up the joyful happiness in me.
Ouh sunshine ouh sunshine what will u do?;
If i were to cover up the brightness in u?.

Ok i'm like so faking here man writing poems all of a sudden. Hey i've been warn not to pull the triger this afternoon so yea.. i'll be "crazie" den. :) so far, i could keep it in me for as long as i could. Geez.. one whole opera show is coming up ouh so soon. hahas. ok enuf.

Counting down to 17 oct.. 2 more daes to go!! ouh yea!! :D suprise suprise surprise.. RYTE dy.. :D

Bdw.. my i received pictures from raya.. so i will be uploading it in the next post. OK GO!!

~ having fun laughing at every joke from u

kendarat and bugis shopping

2009-10-11T21:36:00.002+08:00

yo duddettes..

omg.. im like damn f-ing tired from my kendarat thingy just nw. wow.. the guests never stop pouring in frm 11am till 5pm n not to mention they eat like [im sorry to say tis] a pig. a greedy one too!.. there were the 4 of us doing this. ME, ZAWIYAH, MUSFIRAH AND HAIDHER. i tell ya we are so damn short of man power. my legs are killing me by the end of the day. theres a bit of controversy during the wedding. lets nt get in to that. soo rushing la. but in the end.. we got paid. :D hahaha.. ka-ching!!! lols.. $$$$$$
miss zawiyah and musfirah. ahaha :)

ouhya. yesterdae went to bugis with atiqah.. boy did we shop till we drop. YES! haha.. i tell u we shop and theres no ending to it man. we bought alot of stuff.. *pointing to atiqah* haha. she.. bought a "handfull" of stuffs.. ouh and me.. i just bout 3 dresses, i purse, 2 earings 1 flower hair pin. hahaha ok wat.. lol. but im so gonna go there again man. more dresses to buy!!! ok im so gila on dresses.. okok atiqah.. we go again ah :)
actually wanna type summore but too tired. hmm i need to turn in nw. tmrw starting skul already. wth!!.. geezzz.. i dunwanna mention about it. damn it!
pffft~

~supperr i love u :)

when the week is drawing nearer

2009-10-09T16:13:00.004+08:00

eh hello..
test test.. testing 1 2 3..
heheh hws my blogskin? cool or wat? :P [memuji diri nmpk]

ok....
next week skul re-opens already and i'm like having major headaches. gahahas. my madrasah projects la wat else ? giving me all these headaches at the wrong time. hmms..
ouhyea.. havent received my timetable fer next week.. n i'm like panicking sumhw i dunnoe why.. [when im nt so excited for skul re-opens -.-] ironic me..
plus this coming sundae im having the kendarat thingy .. zawiyah, aisyah and musfirah will be there too!!! hehe.. finally get to meet u guys.. so long ehs..

hmm.. my 3rd ex has been giving me the stupid stress coz for god noes wat he wants frm me. eh hello boy.. move on la.. u left me just like that and u are saying that u want this friendship nt to end. At the begining.. theres no friendship. friends dun leave them just like that. friends dont lie. n u call our related-ness friendship?? wat the f is this?? well im gonna give u last chance. if u bother me one more time.. dy... dy go ahead and do watever u want to do to him dy.. im nt stoping u. n i understand that u are angry. sorie... as for that person.. im nt gg to answer ur question animore.

ouh bdw. i noe sumthin, a secret. found it out by myself. its kinda shocking i think.. to noe about it. but as usual. its nt my life n its urs. so i HECK about it. simple.

ok i dunnoe wat else to sae so.. tats it luh.

eh eh !! i cnt wait fer on the 17th next week.. i think sumone noes.. :P hehe.. *big grins*

~i will light u up when ure down no matter what :)

blisters

2009-10-04T21:49:00.003+08:00

wassup?

mygosh, my leg hurts like crazy nw. Reason to it, jln raye the WHOLE DAE ystdy.. blisters all over man.. ouch! when i thought i could spend time with him.. family visits clashes. hw great.. well with the use of two heads [me and him] we manage to solve the problem uh. thx dy :)
we were at yishun area after ending a session of raya "jalan-ing" with my ite frens.. i met him there. had a proper dinner and have a nice convo after that while waiting for my auntie to pick me up afterwards to go bukit batok. yea..
while we're at yishun. theres this two aged men [apeks] fighting over god noes wat at the interchange in yishun. at the beginning the botak one stomps his feet and the one with yellow shirt was yelling all the wae.. den after we made another turn to head back to the mrt.. we thoght the whole drama was over but guess wat.. the yellow apek took a broom and play a chase of hide and seek.. bagus per...
den i had to part with him. hw saddening ryte... gees.. ok my mum is like eager to use tis comp nw soo.. chow? hahs

nk tak nk

2009-10-01T13:37:00.001+08:00

thinking of deleting my cbox. shud i.. the chat place mcm tk perlu... seriously.